The Book That God Wrote, Song of Songs

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Book That God Wrote, Ecclesiastes

Hello all, I bet you didn't think I'd be back so soon did you? You didn't think I'd be able to make it before the end of May did you? Hah you forget you're dealing with a former grad student whose still suffering from the "I can't enjoy my time off" syndrome, which can be deadly if left untreated, you've been warned. Anyway, I'm here today to talk to you about Ecclese- um Eccrisis?  Eccleston? No that's not right, Ecchymosed? Wait, Ecclesiastes! Got it, damn that shit's hard to spell. Anyway, other than it being impossible to spell, what else do I think about this little Bible book? Let's find out.

The Book That God Wrote, Proverbs

Hi everyone, how are you? I've spent the month of April with the born agains, and let me tell you, it was great. We spent all our time hanging out and having fun, y'know talking about how awesome Jesus and God are, and we were certainly not drinking, cursing, smoking, having premarital sex, or doing anything remotely fun. Actually no, it was horrible, after about 30 days I realized that, despite what what you might think, I love those things, I love them. But fortunately our monthly Bible study for April (meaning the entire month, as in all day every day) was on Proverbs, which wouldn't you know it, is the next book in this wonderful little series. So I'm back to tell you all about it.

The Book That God Wrote, Psalms

Hello everyone, I'm back. After a long long bit of work I am officially unofficially a doctor. Yes I final defended my dissertation last week, which is pretty much the last hurdle required. Though I probably can't put it on my luggage until after graduation, but I'm pretty much there. Soon, after six years of grueling thankless bullshit work, I can finally add some letters to my name. Woo (it's really depressing when you think of it that way actually, so I wont). The real question is though: does this make me more qualified to tell you what I think of Psalms? Oh my, let's find out shall we?

Two Years of the Book That God Wrote

Greetings dear readers, today marks the two year anniversary of my very first blog post about the Bible. It blows my mind that I've been doing this stuff for two whole years. Two years of struggling through tough books, pondering over my interpretations, lamenting over my own commentary, and just having it sit on my brain. To say I misjudged the amount of time this would take is probably the underestimate of the year two years. At this rate I'll never finish, but that's okay, at least you'll always have something to read right? God, two fucking years.

The Book That God Wrote, Job

Hello everyone, welcome to my take on what might be the most important book of the Bible so far. Do I say that a lot? I don't know, maybe it's true a lot. In any case it's true here. Are you ready to have your mind blown? If you're unfamiliar with Job, and you think you know how our little religion works, then yes, prepare to have your mind blown.

There Is A Mine...

There is a mine for silver and a place where gold is refined.
Iron is taken from the earth, and copper is smelted from ore.
Man puts an end to the darkness; he searches the farthest recesses
for ore in the blackest darkness. Far from where people dwell he cuts a shaft,
in places forgotten by the foot of man; far from men he dangles and sways.
The earth, from which food comes, is transformed below as by fire;
sapphires come from its rocks, and its dust contains nuggets of gold.
No bird of prey knows that hidden path, no falcon’s eye has seen it.
Proud beasts do not set foot on it, and no lion prowls there.
Man’s hand assaults the flinty rock and lays bare the roots of the mountains.
He tunnels through the rock; his eyes see all its treasures.
He searches the sources of the rivers and brings hidden things to light.

-Job 28:1-11

What I Learned From Esther

So Esther ... Esther, Esther, Esther, what did I learn from Esther? Well I feel like that title is sort of a misnomer because there isn't really all that much to learn from Esther per say. Other than the historical origins of Purim. So I guess this is more of a "What I Thought" of Esther and ... well ... here's where I'll disappoint the Esther fans out there. But hey I didn't start this blog to make friends, nor keep them, so here we go. See I didn't find Esther to be a very heroic figure. "Omg," I hear some of you thinking, "she totally saved the Jews, how is that not heroic?" Sure, but at what cost? And with what underlying message? See it's the deeper seeds of this story that I really have a problem with, so let's get to it shall we?

The Book That God Wrote, Esther

Hey everybody, here I am back again, trying to stop this once a month madness, here to tell you all about the book of Esther. This is an important one to a lot of people, God I hope I don't disappoint all the Esther fans out there, though I probably will. Read on to find out how I'll disappoint you.

The Book That God Wrote, Nehemiah

Hey hey everyone, I'm back to tell you about all this Bible reading I've been doing. Woooooooo! Wow, um sorry, I'm just excited. Why am I excited you ask? Well, duh, because Nehemiah is freaking awesome that's why. Well, okay, it's really just awesome when compared to the previous book. Not that that's some incredible feat though. But still, I found Nehemiah much more enjoyable, so read on to find out why.

The Book That God Wrote, Ezra

Holy crap, what's happening? Is it really the end of August? And with nary a post from yours truly? I'm going to have to fix that aren't I? How bout this, how bout I tell you what happened in the next book of the Bible? Does that sound good? Yeah, I thought so ... let's see ... hmm this book is called Ezra, nice and simple to spell, a lot like Ruth. Also it's only 10 pages long, woohoo ... which makes it like 3 times as long as Ruth but twice as short as 2 Chronicles. Man, am I making any sense here? Here let me just read this shit and get back to you.

The Book That God Wrote, 2 Chronicles

Hey everyone, this past week I read 2 Chronicles, and now I'm here to tell you wot I think (as the RPS chaps like to say) and what I learned (as the me chap likes to say). So another two-parter eh? Is this one as good as the others? What if I told you it was the others. Say wha? Read on to see what I mean.

The Book That God Wrote, 1 Chronicles

Hey everyone, this past week I read 1 Chronicles, and now I'm here to tell you wot I think (as the RPS chaps like to say) and what I learned (as the me chap likes to say). So another two-parter eh? Is this one as good as the others? What if I told you it was the others. Say wha? Read on to see what I mean.

What I Learned From 2 Kings

Okay, let me be completely clear, I don't really like 2 Kings very much, nor do I think there's much value here at all. In the (not so) long line of books of the Bible I've read so far there are a few that are must reads, for example: Genesis, Exodus, Judges, 1 Samuel, and 1 Kings. Then there are those that aren't really must reads, but still contain some significant or interesting things, e.g. Leviticus, some of Numbers, Joshua, Ruth, and 2 Samuel. Then, well, then there's the ones that you could pretty much skip and not miss out on anything, like: the rest of Numbers and Deuteronomy. I seriously feel like 2 Kings falls in this last category, that is, if it weren't for one thing. Here let me just prove it to you by comparing 2 Kings to its predecessor. 1 Kings had effin Solomon, Elijah (which included the greatest god competition ever recorded), Ahab and Jezebel. What did 2 Kings have? Let's see, Elisha who's just some pale imitation of Elijah and ... um ... I guess Jehu? I mean, these aren't really memorable fellows, except for how stupidly violent they were. See, there you go, might as well read 1 Kings, which is awesome, and skip 2 Kings on over to 1 Chronicles (On second thought, do not do that).

The Book That God Wrote, 2 Kings Part 3

Hey guys, I'm back to make fun of- er no, I mean explain some Bible stories to you. Hey, what's this? Have I actually finished an entire book of the Bible in a single month? Wow, it's starting to feel like Feb. 2010 up in here. No, actually no, I finished two books that month, damn. Anyway, yeah we're reaching the end of 2 Kings, and wow what an ending. There's a lot here, so let's get to it.

The Book That God Wrote, 2 Kings Part 2

Hey there everyone, I'm back to do some more Bible commenting about. Wait ... yeah that's right. Today we get to learn about Jehu, who will be the king of Israel. Except first he has to kill about half the country to get there. Wow, sounds like your typical summer blockbuster. What are sequels for after all. Off we go.

The Book That God Wrote, 2 Kings Part 1

Hey guys, I'm back, finally. Today we start on the sequel of Kings. We get more Elijah, more fun miracles, and some pretty crazy twists. Also, two of the most insane evil stories I've read so far. But, is it as good as the original Kings? Well read on to find out I guess.

What I Learned From 1 Kings

At first glance, 1 Kings doesn't seem to have much in the "Hey I Learned Something" department. I mean sure there's the obvious with Solomon, the whole wisdom > gold, fame, and sex. Though it does sort of imply that the pursuit of wisdom will make you rich, powerful, and a sex machine. It's a nice thought, but my own pursuit of wisdom hasn't led to such a life, at least not yet. But that's okay, I can live without having to decide which of my 700 wives I'll sleep with tonight, and if you think this is a problem that you'd love to have, then you haven't thought of what having 700 wives worth of nagging would be like have you? Yeah I know, it hurts your soul doesn't it? There's also the fact that there weren't very many stories exemplifying Solomon's wisdom, I mean we're told he's wise, so I guess we've got to just accept that. Or maybe we'll just have to wait for Proverbs to really see. And don't even start with the whole "Let's cut a baby in half, woo!" is a sign of his wisdom. It's more proof that everyone else in Israel was dumb. Hm, maybe that's it, maybe Solomon was just super wise relative to the rest of Israel. There's something to think about eh?

The Book That God Wrote, 1 Kings Part 4

Alright, so I guess I should tell you about the last stuff in 1 Kings yeah? Let's get to it shall we, unfortunately Elijah has bombed out since speaking with God, and he doesn't really show up again until 2 Kings. Still there's a little bit more crazy to share with you, especially regarding Ahab. Let's get to it.

The Book That God Wrote, 1 Kings Part 3

Hey there, I'm back after a quick little legal battle. Don't worry, I have the best lawyer ever, seriously you should've heard her. She rocked in some freedom of speech arguments along with the obvious separation of church and state point. And my favorite, "My client's beliefs resemble those of Deist practices, which may I remind the court, were held by many of the founding fathers. Under this belief system, it would be impossible for the God my client believes in to be present enough to bring charges on a follower." It was brilliant, not that God had much of a case anyway. But I'm back, to tell you all about how awesome Elijah was. Let's get to it.