What I Learned From 1 Kings

At first glance, 1 Kings doesn't seem to have much in the "Hey I Learned Something" department. I mean sure there's the obvious with Solomon, the whole wisdom > gold, fame, and sex. Though it does sort of imply that the pursuit of wisdom will make you rich, powerful, and a sex machine. It's a nice thought, but my own pursuit of wisdom hasn't led to such a life, at least not yet. But that's okay, I can live without having to decide which of my 700 wives I'll sleep with tonight, and if you think this is a problem that you'd love to have, then you haven't thought of what having 700 wives worth of nagging would be like have you? Yeah I know, it hurts your soul doesn't it? There's also the fact that there weren't very many stories exemplifying Solomon's wisdom, I mean we're told he's wise, so I guess we've got to just accept that. Or maybe we'll just have to wait for Proverbs to really see. And don't even start with the whole "Let's cut a baby in half, woo!" is a sign of his wisdom. It's more proof that everyone else in Israel was dumb. Hm, maybe that's it, maybe Solomon was just super wise relative to the rest of Israel. There's something to think about eh?

The Book That God Wrote, 1 Kings Part 4

Alright, so I guess I should tell you about the last stuff in 1 Kings yeah? Let's get to it shall we, unfortunately Elijah has bombed out since speaking with God, and he doesn't really show up again until 2 Kings. Still there's a little bit more crazy to share with you, especially regarding Ahab. Let's get to it.

The Book That God Wrote, 1 Kings Part 3

Hey there, I'm back after a quick little legal battle. Don't worry, I have the best lawyer ever, seriously you should've heard her. She rocked in some freedom of speech arguments along with the obvious separation of church and state point. And my favorite, "My client's beliefs resemble those of Deist practices, which may I remind the court, were held by many of the founding fathers. Under this belief system, it would be impossible for the God my client believes in to be present enough to bring charges on a follower." It was brilliant, not that God had much of a case anyway. But I'm back, to tell you all about how awesome Elijah was. Let's get to it.

The Book That God Wrote, 1 Kings Part 2

Hello there, March is almost over, I'm just barely getting two entries in this month, which is my average rate I suppose. Today we get to learn about all of the chaos born from the death of Solomon. We also learn about a great character I never really knew about before, he's this nutty prophet named Ahijah ... okay well he's only nutty because I indulged and made him that way, but there's gotta be a reason I was inspired to lean that way don't you think? Anyway, read on, read on.

The Book That God Wrote, 1 Kings Part 1

Hey guys, I'm back. I say that a lot don't I? Well, I've decided to stop apologizing for it, I'm busy, you know that already, I know that already, let's just stop focusing on that ok? I'm never giving up on this project though, ever, that I promise, so even if there's no updates for ten years, keep refreshing this page because it will be coming soon. Anyway, today I'm going to tell you all about David's successor, the wise and very sexually experienced Solomon. Read on, read on.