What I Learned From 1 Samuel

First of all, 1 Samuel is a book centered, almost solely, around the underdog. Almost every story and every character seems to exemplify this. Hannah, the underdog of Biblical women, is barren, yet God takes favor with her and she births the greatest priest of their time. I mentioned before that this is not the first time that God does this, this is like his hat trick, yet this sets the ball rolling for the remainder of the underdogs that show up. That would be Saul and David. Saul comes from the most tiny backwater tribe from the smallest clan of Israelites, yet he's chosen as the first king of Israel. Then there's David, who's just the ultimate underdog to beat all underdogs. Seriously, the story of David and Goliath is the result of some people sitting around and brainstorming about how they could write the underdog story to beat all underdog stories. "Ok so how about an Israelite soldier versus a really strong and burly philistine?"
"No fuck that, make the Philistine a nine foot tall giant."
"Oh word, I like that,"
"And the clincher, make the Israelite a six your old boy without a sword, bam."
"And done, fucking beat that shit Rocky."

The Book That God Wrote, 1 Samuel Part 4

Welcome to the final part of the first part of Samuel. It seems I'm a little late getting this one out, over two weeks late in fact, but I couldn't help it. This may be the most important entry I've written for this series, there's a lot riding on it, and I had to make sure it was right. And that's not completely frivolous hyperbole there, I really do think this is the most important story of the Bible so far. Why is that? David might be gay! That's fucking why. If that didn't just blow your mind a little then you haven't been paying much attention to fundamentalist Christians have you? Anyway, here we learn what becomes of the two complicated relationships set up last time: the tumultuous one between David and Saul, and the tragically beautiful one between David and Jonathan. What happens to these lovers and haters? Read on to find out.

The Book That God Wrote, 1 Samuel Part 3

Welcome back to the book of 1 Samuel, where David finally stands toe to toe with a giant in pure underdog fashion. Here we start to see that "evil" spirit of the Lord start to work its mojo on poor Saul; and in the wake of this epic battle and the loss of Saul's sanity a budding romance starts to form, and it may not be exactly what you expect. Read on for the hair elevating action.

The Book That God Wrote, 1 Samuel Part 2

Welcome back to Samuel everyone, this entry covers events that basically just serve as a buildup for part 3, where shit will really hit the fan. Here we have the rise and initial fall of the first king of Israel. We also have some more gross honey eating, and we get to meet David, though no giant killing this time. If anything this sets the stage nicely for us to talk about Goliath right out of the gate next time. Read on.

The Book That God Wrote, 1 Samuel Part 1

Welcome all to the first part of the first part of the Book of Samuel. Here we start on the path towards that all popular King David, but first we learn of the honorable Godslinger Samuel, the disappointed and worthless father Eli, and his despicable sons. We also get to see what happens when the sworn enemies of the Israelites have the balls to steal the Ark of the Covenant, spoiler alert: they don't keep it for long. I hope you're ready for fun.