The Book That God Wrote, Job

Hello everyone, welcome to my take on what might be the most important book of the Bible so far. Do I say that a lot? I don't know, maybe it's true a lot. In any case it's true here. Are you ready to have your mind blown? If you're unfamiliar with Job, and you think you know how our little religion works, then yes, prepare to have your mind blown.

So where to start? I mean there isn't a whole lot that happens in Job honestly, I could summarize the whole thing in a few sentences, well I could summarize what actually happens in a few sentences, but what it all means ... well that's the whole crux (horcrux?) of it all. So let me start with where the story itself starts: up in heavens. See God is up chillin in his pad throne when Satan shows up to bother him. I should mention that this is the very first time Satan has ever been mentioned in the Bible, ever. When I mentioned this to my sister she got pretty grumpy, and said that it wasn't actually Satan, but just some angel or something, and that my translation is all wrong. That's fine, the whole Satan out of nowhere thing felt tacked on anyway, in fact it felt like it was added in later just to make the remaining story easier to swallow, or maybe to make God look better in the end, I don't know. I should also mention that "Satan" here comes with a footnote saying "Satan means the accuser," so I think I'll go with that from now on just so we're not confused.

Anyway, God is just going on and on about his most faithful servant, Job, a man who loves him and does no wrong ever, and is righteous in every way. Seriously, Job is so good that he doesn't even gawk at other women. Seriously, "I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl (31:1)," he says. You know Job, it's okay to look, I know you're married and all, but really, there's no harm in just looking right? Anyway, the accuser has something to say about all that, "Of course that goody two shoes is completely devout, he's rich as fuck, has a brilliant family, a hot wife (which is why he doesn't need to look at other women), and a wonderful life; and he owes it all to you. If you ripped that all away I guarantee he'd be singing a different tune."
"Fine," God answers, "take away everything he has and we'll see."
So everything Job has is destroyed, his farms are burned up, his servants fall off cliffs, his cattle all blow up in a freak gas leak style explosion, and worst of all, even Job's children perish. All of his children die horribly for the sole purpose of God making a point. And shockingly God made his point, Job is still devout, still faithful. He humbles himself before God and prays, and does not yet blame God for his misfortune.

"See," God jeers at the accuser, "I told you that Job was faithful to the very end."
"Not the very end," the accuser muses, "men are a fickle and self righteous bunch, so somehow he's still devout. Even after his children were locked inside a cabin and burned alive. I say if you attack him personally, make him suffer physically, as well as mentally, then he will reject you."
"Fine then," God answers, "just don't kill him."
So Job is afflicted with every possible uncomfortable thing you can think of: boils, chicken pox, lice, festering sores, hell it even burns when he pees. He's become a hideous wretch of himself, on top of all his other misfortune. His wife (who's not dead apparently) is grossed out by his nastiness, I mean would you wanna bed down with this?

Yeah, didn't think so. Hell even children run screaming from him when they see him in the streets. That is, unless they're the older teenaged kids that just throw rocks at him instead. Life sucks for Job, I mean his junk is gangrenous for Christsake, that's enough to make anyone crack. And crack he does, as the accuser promised, Job has finally turned on God, and honestly I would have given God the middle finger long before, definitely after all my children died horribly on the same day for no reason. But that's just me, I guess it just takes more to shatter Job's faith. Actually, think about how much it took before Job finally turned on God, he lost everything, including his children, and his ability to sleep with his wife (er well maybe not physically, but look at him *shudder*), this man goes through a fucking lot before finally raising his fist to the almighty. Most of us (if not all, which may well be the point) would have cracked long before. Many of us have already blamed God, even when our lives are actually pretty damn peachy.

I'm getting ahead of myself I suspect. So anyway, Job is laying around feeling outright miserable in a heap on the floor when his friends stop by to see how he's doing, and "cheer" him up. That's what they say anyhow, you get the feeling though that they're just trying to make themselves feel better. The rest of the book is mainly these friends and Job talking to each other. If you've read any of the ancient philosopher's like Socrates or Plato, this part of Job is very much in that dialogue style, Job makes an argument and his friends make a retort. It's interesting to see this style seep itself into the Bible to where we have a philosphical discusion about God. In fact, if you were to read Job, you might get some major deja vu, seeing as you might have taken part in this exact conversation before. Not only that, but there's some awesome bickering between these guys, with Job bemoaning his friends' useless "help" and begging them to just shut the fuck up and leave him alone. It's all quite good. And, one of my favorite parts is all of them will say things like "Ugh, stop making such long speeches," only to go on and make a lengthy speech themselves, only to then be reproached for making a long speech, which is then followed by another speech.

So, here's basically the gist of the conversation. Job says, "Woe is me, my life sucks, God has cursed me for no fucking reason. I've been good, I've followed his every commandment, done every little thing he ever said and yet he killed all of my children and turned me into a freak. I didn't deserve this. God is unfair and a fucking bitch."
To which his friends will retort, "Job don't say such dumb things. God is just, and kind, and loving. He punishes the wicked, and rewards the good. The complete cluster fuck your life has become must be due to some wrong thing you've done. If you repent and humble yourself before God, surely he'll bless you and fix you right back up."
"Fuck you, you fucking asshole," Job spits back, "my children are dead, don't you understand? My penis has festering boils on it. You insensitive prick, there's no 'fixing' this. God has forsaken me. I haven't done anything wrong, and even if I have, surely I haven't done anything to warrant this."
"Job, Job," another friend chimes in, "everything happens for a reason. Your suffering comes from some wrong, but God is quick forgive, if only you repent."
"No, you're wrong," Job shoots back, "everything does not happen for a reason. How many wicked people out there have wonderful lives, while how many righteous men are punished with suffering and pain. Why do I suffer while wicked men go free to drink and be merry. God is not good, just, nor fair."

And this goes on for pages and pages, but in a far more poetic fasion than my quickie of a summary. Like I said, you've probably had this conversation before, on one side or the other, or in some form or another. It's quite common actually. The "everything happens for a reason-loving God" crowd v.s. the "how is God loving and fair when there's suffering in the world?" crew. Bet you never would have guessed that this very common argument is actually in the Bible would you? Yeah, mind blown yet? Just wait, it gets even better.

So this conversation keeps going until Job's house begins to shake, slowly at first, merely a rumble. But it builds into an earthquake, and suddenly the entire party is shrowded in a violent storm. And out of the storm God calls to Job. "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me (38:2-3)." And here is the key, that is, the "words without knowlege" part. God responds in the way you might think, and I'll just quote some of it here to give you a gist of the rest of it (38:4-7):

Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.
Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?
On what were its footings set,
or who laid its cornerstone—
while the morning stars sang together
and all the angels shouted for joy?

That's basically the cut of his gib for a few pages. Basically, "I'm sorry Job, did you create the fucking Earth? Are you God? Can you possibly fathom what I am, how I think, or how I even perceive this universe? You have a mortal sense of right and wrong, of what's fair and just, but you don't know how those concepts translate to the infinite. How can you possibly know what's fair to the universe, or what's just for the cosmos, or what's right for time and space? For all you know, your suffering is the linchpin for some cosmic machination that keeps this universe running. You don't know, don't pretend to understand me or what is fair to me."

Okay, so this is deep, and this is basically an argument I've tried to make many times myself. I remember in college I was taking this philosophy class where the teacher built up to what she called proof that a loving and all powerful God can't exist. I was totally intrigued, I'm always looking for good, well put together arguments against my own beliefs. Please prove me wrong, it'll make my life easier I imagine. Anyway, when we finally got to it, it was so disappointing, and logically bad. Now if you know me, you'll know I'm not just saying this because I'm Christian, and I'm hiding a good argument against my beliefs. I was disappointed because it was a bad argument. Basically it started with an assumption "A loving God does blah" or "A God that created everything does blah." Well right there you have a weak hypothesis, a wrong hypothesis. I'm sorry, I hate to remind you that we are finite beings, and your first assumption, is an assumption of how an infinite being works? How do you know how an infinite being works? How do we even know what the word "love" means when it comes from an infinite being? For us "love" means a chemical reaction in our brain that drives us fucking insane, and only dies away after the marriage and the first kid, when it's too late. That's what it means to us, what does it mean to a being that created the universe? To a being that can galaxy hop with a snap of his fingers? How can we possibly know what's going on inside the head of such a being, assuming the being even has a head, or even thinks at all.

See the problem? We're stamping our own notions of love, right, wrong, and justice (which I believe are inherent in us, but that's an argument for another day) onto a being that might possibly exist in all places in the universe at all times. A being that is unfathomable in every respect, and yet here we are trying to pin our own morality onto it. But wait, this infinite being has given us all these rules we have to follow that he doesn't have to? Surely that's not fair right? No, it's not, in our perspective it's not. And that's the rub, but think of it this way. Say my four your old son wants to stay up till 2:00 am watching violent cartoons and eating icecream. But when I tell him he can't, what is the first thing he'll probably say? "That's not faaaair!!" And you know what? He's right, it's not fair at all. I get to stay up eating icecream and watching cartoons all I want, and hell, now that he gave me the idea I just might. And yet, I won't let him do it. Why? Because it's obviously not good for him, he doesn't know it, but I do it. And it's not all that bad for me really either, I can weigh the consequences for myself, while a four year old boy cannot. So maybe this isn't the best analogy (especially since I don't actually have kids), but I think it certainly shows how "fair" is subjective to something as simple and linear as age. Now take that analogy and change it from just an age difference to the difference between a finite mortal man to an infinite being. The difference in perspective is staggering, unfathomable.

I'm not saying that I have all the answers here, or even that the idea of an evil batshit God isn't possible. I'm just saying that I don't know, and trying to make any assumptions on God that you would on a person is unsound. Surely we can all agree on that. And after all this Job agrees too, "Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know (42:3)." And yet, as if this philosophical minefield wasn't enough, this is not all the Book of Job has to say. The mind blow hasn't even come yet. God then turns on Job's friends and says, "I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has (42:7)." Wait ... wait ... what? Hold on, so according to God, the things that Job's friends said were wrong, while the things Job said were right? I ... *brain explode*

Okay, here's some of the things Job's friends said about God, and I'm quoting directly this time instead of summarizing, just so you believe me.

Consider now: Who, being innocent, has ever perished?

Where were the upright ever destroyed?

As I have observed, those who plow evil

and those who sow trouble reap it.

At the breath of God they are destroyed; (4:7-9)

Does God pervert justice?

Does the Almighty pervert what is right?

When your children sinned against him,

he gave them over to the penalty of their sin.

But if you will look to God

and plead with the Almighty,

if you are pure and upright,

even now he will rouse himself on your behalf

and restore you to your rightful place. (8:3-6)

Far be it from God to do evil,
from the Almighty to do wrong.
He repays a man for what he has done;
he brings upon him what his conduct deserves.
It is unthinkable that God would do wrong,
that the Almighty would pervert justice. (34:10-12)

And there are more, a lot more, but those are just the few I could find right now just to show I wasn't making shit up in my summary. For more proof I direct you towards your Bible, the Book of Job. But yeah, basically, you know those people that say, "Oh if you're good then God will reward you, but if your bad then God will punish you," or "Everything happens for a reason, God is good and just after all." Yeah, from God's own mouth those people are WRONG. Wrong again smarmy Christians, read Job. And for balance, here's some things I've found while skimming just now that Job said, things that God has just said is right.

Although I am blameless,
I have no concern for myself;
I despise my own life.
It is all the same; that is why I say,
‘He destroys both the blameless and the wicked.’
When a scourge brings sudden death,
he mocks the despair of the innocent.
When a land falls into the hands of the wicked,
he blindfolds its judges.
If it is not he, then who is it? (9:21-24)

Yet how often is the lamp of the wicked snuffed out?
How often does calamity come upon them,
the fate God allots in his anger? (21:17)

Mind blown yet? I know, there's a reason I consider this the most important book of the Bible (so far). It's such a game changer to the cliche's of Christianity, and in my opinion just more proof that most Christians don't read the Bible. Or if they do, they conveniently ignore Job when they say everything happens for a reason. This book is so incredibly important. You don't worship God and do good things just to reap good things, you do the right thing because it's right, and what's the alternative really? Hell, the right thing might even destroy you. You don't become a Christian because you think it makes you immune to suffering, suffering is part of existence. It's part of why we're here, without it are we even human? But why? We don't know, it's something we'll never know, it's one of those great mysteries we'll never understand. Even if you don't believe in God, "Why do we suffer?" is a question that will never be answered. And Job says, "Damn straight, that's not something you're meant to know. One of those things too wonderful for you to know. Suck it up and get on with your life." And for that, for the Bible to say "Yeah suffering exists, and it's unfair, get the fuck over it," is refreshing and beautiful. It's something I had no idea was there when I started this project, and therefore was so surprising and exciting to me when I found it. Yeah the Bible knows your life sucks, so does God, what do you want him to do about it?

Anyway, I could go on forever like this, but what of Job in the end? Well God fixes him up, takes away all his nut burn and allows him to be prosperous again. And so "All his brothers and sisters and everyone who had known him before came and ate with him in his house. They comforted and consoled him over all the trouble* the Lord had brought upon him (42:11)." And what happens next? Well, it's the same with everyone you know.

"No one in the world ever gets what they want and that is beautiful.
Everybody dies frustrated and sad and that is beautiful."
- They Might Be Giants

Until next time. *f.y.i. Other translations translate this word as "evil" as in "the evil the Lord had brought upon him," which according to the sis is the one of the only places in the Bible, if not the only, that refers to what God does as "evil." Leave it to the NIV to sugar coat it eh? Anyway, just letting you know, food for thought and all that.