Sometimes I Feel Like ...

My wonderful girlfriend has some very sweet things to say about me and this little blog over at her own blog-a-majig. These words wouldn't even be here without her constant prodding, which I mean in the nicest way possible of course, so go on and give her stuff a read and see what kind of crazy person falls for a mathematician. Spoiler alert: it's not another mathematician, surprise! In fact, she might just be inspiration for anyone out there that wanted to bag a mathematician but thought you had to be good at math first. Turns out it's not a necessary condition (nor a sufficient one har har). Anyway I better quit before I say anything else that I'll regret.

So, what's been going on lately? I sent off a draft of my latest paper to my adviser for corrections last week. Since then I've begun the strenuous preparations for my oral exam. If I gain any readers interested in the specifics of graduate school, the best way to get information is from another graduate student. So, for those of you in that situation (future readers) and those of you who're just plain interested, what is an oral exam pray tell? Well let me start by giving you the low down of the requirements for us. As graduate students on the PhD track we must accomplish the following: five 500 level sequences, four of which we must pass comps in and one just for fun (ha right), one 600 level sequence, two language exams, one oral exam, and many hours of Math 699.

First, most college students can guess at what a 500 level class is, a sequence is just a class that lasts 2 semesters. So for example, the algebra sequence would be something like Math 595 - Algebra 1 (Group Theory) and Math 596 - Algebra 2 (Ring Theory), which we must take in sequence (obviously). These classes are traditionally very involved, and by involved I mean hard as all hell. Anyone planning on graduate school, kiss your free time goodbye for at least the first 2-3 years of it. These classes are built solely around preparing you for comprehensive exams (comps) and for washing out those who aren't ready. Now what are comps? Well remember how I said sequences are like a year long class? Well a comp is like a final, except it's at the end of the summer break and it lasts 4 hours (for each exam), and you have to pass 4 of them at the PhD level to continue on your PhD getting journey, but luckily you get 3 tries to pass them. But if you aren't able to do this then you're gone. No pressure though (ha). So my advice to anyone considering graduate school: make sure you love the subject, whatever it is, and I mean love. They will make you hate it the first few years, they will make you want to quit every single day. You better love it.

Anywho, comps are the main hurdle, if you can get through those then you're pretty much done. 600 level sequences are actually kind of fun. Once you finish a 500 sequence you can take the 600 sequence in the same subject, and since there are no comps or anything else needed for these they tend to be a lot more fun and laid back. For instance I'm taking a 600 sequence right now (which my adviser made me take by the way) and I haven't done a damn thing for that class yet, and I don't really plan to. See, the nice thing is once you start doing research, i.e. working on your dissertation, then teachers take that as a great excuse for not doing any homework. Me: "Oh sorry, I was working on my dissertation, I couldn't get around to doing your bullshit homework." Teacher: "Oh ok, don't worry about it." A word to the wise though, never actually say something that rude to a professor in graduate school, you want as many friends as possible.

Why is that you ask? Because of the other hurdles left after comps. The language exams are a cake walk, especially in my department since you can be tested over traditional foreign languages or programming languages. I've already passed the C++ exam and plan to do another here soon. No, the last hurdle is the oral exam. The oral exam can work in many different ways, but basically it's your PhD adviser and two other professors at least, and they basically spend an hour plus grilling you about whatever they want. They could grill you over the 500 sequence you took with them, your research area (if you're lucky), or even about some random paper of theirs they made you look over. It's a scary prospect. Here you are in front of a room facing three professors who know considerably more than you do and they can ask you anything; their last chance to make you squirm (which is much different than teaching where you face a room full of people way dumber than you, mathematically speaking that is). That's why you want as many friends as you can get. You don't want a member of your oral committee who doesn't like you, because they can really make your life a living hell. I've heard horror stories of 3-4 hour long oral exams only to have the student fail at the end. Which I can understand why, after 4 hours of being grilled I would start messing up things like solving 2x = 1. Who wouldn't?

Anyway, that's what I'm preparing for these days. My oral exam is basically covering my research area, some easier things my research is based on, and some complex analysis. Yes, I lucked out, but that doesn't mean I'm captain calm and collected. No, they could ask me anything, anything, and my research area encompasses a lot of stuff. So this does mean I don't have to spend my time relearning something dumb like abstract algebra (dumb in the sense that I don't use it in my research), but I'm not going to relax. I've seen what happens to grad students who relax. Yeah, they're not around anymore. Anyway, back to studying, I guess I can end on the typical awful joke around the dept. about orals:

Student: "Hey Dr. So-n-so, I'll do anything to pass, anything. They don't call them orals for nothing you know."

Shut up, I know your mind went there already. Peace.