I Hate You Too

You know, being a teacher sucks sometimes (most-times), I'll spend many hours preparing and thinking of ways to explain things I've known for practically centuries in ways that a layman can understand, sometimes I fail at this, sometimes I don't. Hell I'll be the first to say I'm not the best teacher in the world, I'm certainly not. Lord knows I shouldn't ever be allowed in a college algebra course ever again (or anything lower for that matter), but contrarily I think I really do shine when the material gets tougher. Anyway, regardless of my own pros and cons it really ticks me the fuck off when after all this work I look out and see this:

And what really kills me is the looks they give me when I tell them to put the cell phones away. Like you wouldn't feel insulted if it went the other way? Like if you asked me a genuine question about the material and I completely ignored you because I was texting? Wouldn't you be upset? And then I'll just get done saying, "We find this third angle gamma by subtracting alpha and beta from 180, does everyone see that? Any questions on that? We do that because the three angles inside a triangle add up to 180 and since we already have two of them we can find the third easily." Then three seconds later "Wait, where did you get gamma from?"
"Well bitch, if you hadn't been fondling your phone you would've heard me say it, and I probably said it more than once too," and they're shocked when I sound rude when I repeat myself for the 100th goddamn time.

This isn't really what I came here to rant about though, usually I have a pretty good time teaching, I'll have a few bad or disgruntled students a semester, but for the most part everyone does pretty well and I get a fairly stress free semester. Every once in a while though I get a real doozy of a class, I hate them, they hate me, they won't shut up, stop fucking with their phones, and just refuse to listen to me. And I, in turn, become the meanest dick imaginable. Pissing off your teacher is a bad idea, I would never fail someone because I didn't like them, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be happy when I bubble in an F some jackass deserves, or begrudgingly give a passing grade to some dickhead I hate. Go ahead and suck up, it wont help you necessarily with us ethical folks, but hey, it doesn't hurt either. Anyway, there's this little online professor rating place I'm sure you've heard of before, and I've been rated there from time to time, but without fail, whenever I have one of these shitty classes, every little disgruntled pussy goes on there to bitch about me. Which is fine, the more bad ratings I have on there, the less lazy shits I'll have signing up for my class. But you know what? Today I feel like yelling back, so here's my latest ratings from the latest awful class I had (Technical Trig. Spring 10). What's the point of having a blog if I can't do childish shit like this?

HARD CLASS!!!..He doesn't really teach, he just go over the same stuff in the book..also he expects you to know the material..VERY TOUGH CLASS, OVER HALF THE CLASS FAILED HIS CLASS!

Yes, Trig. is a hard class, you don't have to shout. Did you have trouble in English too? Oh hey guess what, I told you that it would be a hard class, and what you could do to prepare for it. One of these things was doing your homework, another was coming to my office for extra help. The people who did those two things passed, hell even the crazy kid with ADHD (and who knows what else) who knew almost zero algebra passed because they tried all the homework and wouldn't leave me alone about the ones they couldn't do, if the crazy ADHD kid could pass, why couldn't you? Oh, yeah, I'm sorry if you thought Trig. would be easy, or that you thought I'd just give away As, I don't know why you'd think that though considering I told you the exact opposite, but whatever. And yeah, I'm sorry, but I do expect you to know the material, I mean that's what I'm here for isn't it? To teach you the material? So that, shock, you know it? I don't know what you thought this whole learning thing was about, but um yeah, it involves you knowing the material by the end. If you didn't understand something you could've, yknow, come and asked me some questions, I'm in my office a lot, and my super spy girlfriend can attest to the fact that almost no one came to ask me questions during my office hours, since she was there visiting me during most of them.

And you know, I hate to keep harping on you, but was I supposed to teach some stuff that wasn't in our book? I mean I didn't just copy down the book on the board, in fact I remember wasting a lot of my time writing up lecture notes because I thought the sections in the book did a pretty terrible job. So teaching the same stuff in the book means that I should've taught you all underwater basket weaving? You'd like that wouldn't you? Oh and you know what? I fucking hate it when students make claims that over half the class failed, or only 20% passed or whatnot. I'm looking at the grades for that section right now and in total there were 2 As, 9 Bs, 6 Cs, 4 Ds, and 6 Fs. Nine fucking Bs, get the fuck out of my face with that shit, 37% of the class made failing grades (<60), which isn't great sure, but that's not over half the class fucktard, and when some students were scoring 100s and 102s on tests it seems maybe that you're in the minority buddy, not the majority. Failing students tend to believe they're the trend, that they're failing because of their teacher. In most cases they're just lazy shits looking to place the blame on someone else (me), so assuming that over half the class failed helps with that dumb ass fantasy. Oh and by the way, I didn't have to actually look at my grades to know this, the only time I ever had more than half a class fail was when I taught remedial classes, but that doesn't count.

Not a good teacher at all! He expected everyone to just know the material like he does. He just put examples on the board, but did not explain how to do them at all. The only thing your grade relies on is your test grades, so I would recommend doing extremely well on those tests! Probably all but 5 students earned D's or F's. Don't take if you can!

 Again, you'll start to notice that these complainers aren't all that original either, when they see someone else write, "OH MY GOD he expects you to know the material, what the fuck is that?" you'll see the next three kids write the same thing. And no, I don't expect you to know the material like I do, that would be impossible since I'm a genius and you're a brainless piece of shit. But I do expect you to know the material somewhat, enough to at least pass a test on it, yknow, since your entire grade rests on it as you so brilliantly pointed out. Hey guess what, I tell you on the first day of class that your entire grade rests completely on 4 tests and a final, and if you're a pussy that needs extra credit to pass a math course then you should go take some other softy teacher. I may not be a good teacher in your eyes, but I'm honest, and honestly, all but 10 people made As, Bs, and Cs, sorry. And really, you might not think I explain things well, which is fine, my style might not mesh with your learning style, but come on. Do you expect people to believe that I put up examples and just didn't explain how to do them? Like, "Hey here's an equation sinx = 1/2, you should already know how to solve it as well as I can ... ok moving on." Go fuck yourself, I don't really know how to put an example on the board without explaining how to do it in some form, you're just kidding yourself now ... Oh wait ... No I see, you watched me put the problem on the board and then you got a text, right? Then when you looked up again I had moved onto the next problem? See now I understand why you'd say that.

terrible terrible terrible..what a pain in the u know what!! idk who put that he is cute bc he is not. he is rude and looks at you like you are the dumbest person in the world..the worst teacher i have ever had thus far for all of my years of attending school..including high school and jr high...and i love math!!DONT TAKE HIM!!

Pain in the what? No I don't know what? Tell Me! TELL ME! Oh by the way, I know you're upset, but you don't have to shout. And seriously, have you actually seen me? I'm smokin hot bitch, here let me see if I can find a picture of myself ... yeah here we go:

See, I'm more than just cute, I'm drop dead gorgeous, and don't let my super spy girlfriend find out who you are, she's got spy training, she'll bite your ear off for saying that. Not that I know what me being cute has to do with anything, or what me being rude has to do with my physical attractiveness. By the way, I'm not generally a rude person, but I have a pretty scary temper. You saying I'm rude leads me to believe that you saw this mean side of me, which only comes out when I'm repeatedly pushed, which this class did many times. And you know what? When I've spent days explaining how to do a certain type of problem, and I mean days, and I've explained the same thing over and over and over again, and then after the seventh day you look up from your cell phone and say, "Oh, yeah, how do you do this type of problem? I don't think you went over that," then yes, I'll look at you like you're the dumbest motherfucker on the planet, because you are. Not because you're asking a question, but because I've already explained it 500 times, but your phone has you by the balls and you just didn't hear me. Go fuck yourself.

Oh, and I'm the worst teacher you've had in all your years attending school? Like including High School and Junior High? Wow, I sure am glad that's not including your Kindergarten teacher 'cause I don't think I could compare to the lady that taught you your colors. Oh and guess what, you all were the worst class I've had in all my years teaching, including the first two semesters I taught remedial algebra. That's right, you bitches were worse than people that couldn't even add correctly, and would flip Ws into 3s to make a problem easier (I'm not even joking with that one). But see, many of them had serious learning deficiencies and were trying their best, you all were just lazy belligerent little shits. And I'm sorry, I don't have much sympathy for a class that spends half their time playing with their cell phone, or a class I overhear bragging about how they don't do ever their homework. Oh, well then I wonder why you're doing so poorly?

Whew, ok I feel better now, that was fun. I actually just graded a set of Trig. tests where there were 11 As (7 of which were 100s) and only 4 failing grades (2 Ds, 2Fs). Which reinforces my theory that I'm not that terrible and those bitches in the Spring were. So, in closing, take those ratings you read online with a grain of salt.