So Esther ... Esther, Esther, Esther, what did I learn from Esther? Well I feel like that title is sort of a misnomer because there isn't really all that much to learn from Esther per say. Other than the historical origins of Purim. So I guess this is more of a "What I Thought" of Esther and ... well ... here's where I'll disappoint the Esther fans out there. But hey I didn't start this blog to make friends, nor keep them, so here we go. See I didn't find Esther to be a very heroic figure. "Omg," I hear some of you thinking, "she totally saved the Jews, how is that not heroic?" Sure, but at what cost? And with what underlying message? See it's the deeper seeds of this story that I really have a problem with, so let's get to it shall we?
So first of all, she's the hero of the story, or at the very least the main character, hell she saves the day, so I imagine it's quite natural to want to paint her as this awesome, perhaps even, feminist figure. I get it, she's one of the few cool chicks in the Bible, the need to latch on to that with rose tinted glasses is strong ... but, well let's not forget how she even became queen in the first place. She was the winner of a goddamned beauty pageant. A pageant that, may I remind you, was only conceived to replace Queen Vashti. Queen Vashti, who's only crime, that we know of, was talking back to her husband. If there's a feminist character in this story it's Vashti, and she's punished for it and replaced with a prom queen. What message does that send eh? Esther wins because she's pretty and wont talk back? I know this is the Bible and everything but Jesus Bajesus Christ.
Second, look at her first reaction when Mordecai asks her to try and reverse Haman's plan. She isn't really a heroic badass, or a meek prom queen that rises to the occasion when her people need a savior from total obliteration (Which by the way Hollywood, I want you to make this movie now, thanks). No, basically she whines that her own husband will kill her if she talks out of turn. Really? First of all, I don't believe that for a second. Vashti talked back, hell she did it in front of everyone, and all Xerxes did was depose her (As far as we know, and it's safe to assume that he didn't kill her if the Bible didn't say so, because the Bible loves it's gruesome stuff). So, yeah I'm not buying it, I'd say at worst you'd get deposed like Vashti, then die with your people. Mordecai has to convince her to save her people from genocide ... think about how retarded that sentence just sounded ... yeah are you starting to understand my issue with this book now?
Now I don't know if I really have a problem with the next bit, but I really don't understand her process in getting Xerxes to take down Haman. Many of the stories about women in the Bible involve them using the means available to them to get their way, or hell sometimes just to survive. I was expecting the same with Esther. Y'know, since she was apparently the hottest woman in all of the Persian Empire I thought for sure she could just saunter into the throne room, hips a-boomin and ask for the world and she'd get it. Y'know using the means available to her? Shit, Xerxes even says that she can have half the kingdom if she asked for it, and he says it like 3 or 4 times too. So hmm, I don't want half the kingdom, I just don't want you to kill all the Jews. How does that sound? That's gotta be less than half the kingdom, hell that shit's free. But no, for some reason she has to throw two parties and then have some thing ... happen with her and Haman. I really don't understand what she's up to, or why she does what she does, and so I find pretty much everything she does baffling.
That's not to say I don't find what everyone else does baffling too. Everyone acts like a retarded crazy person in this book. What with Mordecai whoring out his own daughter, and then creeping around like a nutter. Or with Haman deciding it's fair to genocide out an entire people because some crazy dude wont bow down to him. Or with Xerxes agreeing to genocide out an entire people without even asking who these people are first. This whole book is just full of people acting like complete idiotic nutjobs ... and I guess this is all par for the course, this is the Bible we're talking about, but still, I like to bitch alright.
Okay okay, let me finish this off before I completely derail. The last sting regarding Esther for me is what she does after Haman's killed. Fine, you hung that asshole on his own gallows, great, he deserved it, and you have Xerxes reverse Haman's plan, also great, that shit was crazy. But then Esther has Xerxes make it legal for the Jews to kill all their enemies. Wait, what? So Esther, as part of her revenge makes it so the Jews can do exactly to Haman's people what he planned to do to them? Esther doesn't just get revenge on the psychopath, she decides to have all his people killed off too? Isn't that as evil and fucked up as what Haman was doing? Haman wanted to kill an entire race because one dude pissed him off, Esther wanted to kill off an entire race because one dude pissed her off. This is my biggest problem with Esther, I can overlook the prom queening, the whining, and the comments about not lifting a finger if her people were just enslaved, but the stone cold brutal genocide revenge? Not so much.
And that's what I ultimately think of Esther, it's certainly an interesting story, but one who's message left me completely underwhelmed. Which is too bad because I was really hopeful for this one. Anyway, join me next time when we look at the Book of Job, which seriously everyone, might be the most important book of the Bible ... y'know besides that important stuff about Jesus. Later.
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