Zach's Summer Drinks or: How I Learned to Stop Caring About Being a Cowboy and Enjoy a Cold Drink

Hello all, it's me again, Zach, here to blab about some things. You like to read me blab don't you? Good. Hey it's hot out huh? It's fucking hot, that picture up above is the real deal (It actually ended up getting worse). One of the perks of living in Louisiana is that during the summer if your AC breaks then it will be 90 degrees in your apartment at fucking midnight. I am not exaggerating ... at all. So, what does one do about such insulting temperatures you ask? Drink. This is the perfect time to guzzle that C₂H₅OH, and it's also the perfect time for me to do another entry about my favorite drinks. Remember last time, when I would say things like "Eh this is only good when it's hot outside," remember that? Yeah, it's fucking hot, so how bout I share some of my favorite summer drinks.

Here we go, my top five summer drinks. I tried to pick one representative of each liquor, but as you'll see one is seen twice, and if you know me, you wont be surprised to see vodka absent.

5. Margarita: Definitely not my favorite, but it has the distinction of being the only drink you can mix up with tequila well. And here's the thing, unlike the daiquiri, I feel like this drink is just fine in any incarnation. Sure it's better when you squeeze the limes, shake it up, and serve it on ice all on your own. But you know what, pulling it out of a premade freezer slushy type thing is just fine in my book too. Hey as long as there's enough tequila I'm down for it. And sometimes, by god, I just want an adult icee, and my friends, the margarita is the best way to do that.

4. Rum: Rum is a great summer drink, that's right, just rum. Pour it on the rocks, squeeze as much lime as you want and there you go. Cold, sharp and sweet enough to not need anything else. Throw in a half of a lime, a little sugar syrup (Doesn't initially seem necessary, but trust me it is) and toss it around in a shaker and you'll have a daiquiri. No my friend, not those pink frozen drinks that ladies get at happy hour. This is an honest to goodness daiquiri, and it makes a fine summer drink served in chilled glass or on the rocks.

3. Mint Mojito: Here's a secret, mint is cold, it's just naturally cold. My fellow men, try a mint based shaving cream or soap sometime, it's like shaving with a fucking glacier (Which may sound horrible, but when it's 90 degrees in your apartment it really hits the spot). Therefore, it only makes sense that mint in an alcoholic beverage only makes it colder right? Hey I don't know, it sounds scientific enough, and after a few of them, who the fuck cares right? The perfect rum summer drink, and totally simple: rum, mint, lime, fizzy water, and tons of ice, enjoy.

2. Mint Julep: This is tough, the mint julep is technically my favorite summer drink, but I don't get to enjoy them as often as my number one choice. The simple fact that you need fresh mint for this drink to be worth a damn, and some sugar syrup handy (not completely necessary, but helpful), means my lazy ass doesn't get the wonderful mint julep more than a few times a year. It's a shame really because it is the best summer drink, and truly exemplifies what it is to be in the south during these horrible few months. It's more American than apple pie, take your Kentucky bourbon, tons of home grown mint, a little sugar, lots of ice, and sit out in the shade. Be sure to wear a white linen suit for the full effect.

1. Gin and Tonic: This is the pinnacle, the ultimate summer drink. I dare you to find a more refreshing, cool, and simple drink. Seriously, get the little six packs of tonic water and the recipe is as easy as: 2 oz of gin, half of the little bottle (About 5 oz or so) of tonic, a lime slice, and ice. Pure simplicity, pure escape from the broken AC. This is my go to drink when it's hot as balls outside. Not only that, this is the best of the highballs, a little sweet, but not sugary sickly sweet like others (I'm looking at you rum and coke). A little bitter and sour, and fuckin a, it'll ward off malaria. What other drink does that? And the vodka tonic doesn't count.

So there it is ladies and gentlemen, my top summer drinks. Because sometimes, you just gotta take off that cowboy hat and drink something cold, to hell with the consequences. Stay frosty my friends.