Okay, let me be completely clear, I don't really like 2 Kings very much, nor do I think there's much value here at all. In the (not so) long line of books of the Bible I've read so far there are a few that are must reads, for example: Genesis, Exodus, Judges, 1 Samuel, and 1 Kings. Then there are those that aren't really must reads, but still contain some significant or interesting things, e.g. Leviticus, some of Numbers, Joshua, Ruth, and 2 Samuel. Then, well, then there's the ones that you could pretty much skip and not miss out on anything, like: the rest of Numbers and Deuteronomy. I seriously feel like 2 Kings falls in this last category, that is, if it weren't for one thing. Here let me just prove it to you by comparing 2 Kings to its predecessor. 1 Kings had effin Solomon, Elijah (which included the greatest god competition ever recorded), Ahab and Jezebel. What did 2 Kings have? Let's see, Elisha who's just some pale imitation of Elijah and ... um ... I guess Jehu? I mean, these aren't really memorable fellows, except for how stupidly violent they were. See, there you go, might as well read 1 Kings, which is awesome, and skip 2 Kings on over to 1 Chronicles (On second thought, do not do that).
I guess my problem with 2 Kings, besides there being no characters even comparable to those in 1 Kings (Which in the long run might not be a very fair scale to judge books of the Bible on), is that there isn't much to learn here. I'd say the only thing I learned is that it's seriously unsafe to be a kid in Israel. Seriously, with Elisha calling down bears to maul forty two children, then Jehu murdering seventy more a few pages after, and not to mention the mother who ate her own damn child, it's rough being a youngin in old Israel wouldn't you say? I feel like this does need some discussion, first Elisha seriously overreacted. When a group of kids you walk by call you a name, you don't fucking murder them and then like thirty more kids just for good measure. I mean that's like Morality 101, shit actually that's Remedial Morality ... no you know what, they don't even teach that in any morality class because fuck it, everyone knows that shit. This was a prophet, a man of God? And he kills an entire suburb worth of kids 'cause he can't take a fucking joke? And then this is okay with God?
And now that I'm on the subject, let's talk about Jehu. Jehu is anointed king of Israel and so the first thing he does is kill off the current king. Which I suppose is acceptable, though I really do miss David's way of doing things, though David was a solid dude, Jehu is just a douche. Anyway, then Jehu kills the king of Judah for no reason other than he happened to be at the same place at the same time. This is certainly unnecessary, God anointed you king of Israel, not Judah, who was king of Judah was none of your damn business, you're lucky you didn't start a war with that shit asshole. Okay, then after killing Jezebel, which whatever, another completely unnecessary and dickish thing to do, he goes on to kill all of Ahab's children. Alright, this is going to be fun, time to fight fire with fire ... or Bible with Bible. Let's see here ... ah yes, here it is: "Fathers shall not be put to death for their children, nor children put to death for their fathers; each is to die for his own sin (Deut 24:16)." Bam, take that Bible. You know what's fucked up, I only thought of this because a few pages later some king doesn't put some dude's kids to death because of this. Showing Jehu how it's done I suppose.
So we have two men in this book, that blatantly disobey some of God's laws, and yet are somehow considered Godly? I mean, you can see why I'm confused right? Especially when this disobeying thing involves slaughtering children. What is there to learn from this? Again I ask, how are we supposed to know which laws are important and should be followed when God's own holy men are breaking all of them? Do as I say, not as I do, and all that jazz. It's just maddening, and you know this kind of crap happens in every book of the Bible, but in this case there aren't even good stories to distract or even back up the disturbed. So in essence, 2 Kings is a maddening train wreck of contradictions that should probably be skipped...
Except for one thing, the one thing I promised up in the introduction. Okay, I didn't promise it, but I mentioned it, which is like an implicit promise. Anyway, this book is worth reading if you want to keep up with your history. I think the ending of 2 Kings is of utmost importance. The twist ending that kills the dream of the promised land. Israel and Judah were evil, so they were banished from the land God had promised them. God gave them this rich fertile land with a number of conditions, and it didn't take the Israelites long before they started doing all of the things that got the Canaanites kicked out in the first place. So, maybe that's the point, things are so bad in this book that by this point even the so called "holy" men are dickish evil children murdering assholes. And so after enough generations of this depressing crap, God gives them the boot. Maybe that's why 2 Kings is so unsavory, it just exemplifies what got the Israelites expelled in the first place, that things were so bad even holy men didn't value the life of a child. When things get that fucked up there really is only one solution huh? Wow ... so maybe 2 Kings isn't all that bad after all.
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