Hello all, I bet you didn't think I'd be back so soon did you? You didn't think I'd be able to make it before the end of May did you? Hah you forget you're dealing with a former grad student whose still suffering from the "I can't enjoy my time off" syndrome, which can be deadly if left untreated, you've been warned. Anyway, I'm here today to talk to you about Ecclese- um Eccrisis? Eccleston? No that's not right, Ecchymosed? Wait, Ecclesiastes! Got it, damn that shit's hard to spell. Anyway, other than it being impossible to spell, what else do I think about this little Bible book? Let's find out.
Ecclesiastes could basically be retitled "The Bible Has An Existential Crisis," and now that I've said (typed) that I just had a little chuckle thinking: "The Bible has as Existential Eccrisis," heh. Anyway, I can explain why I think this by the first paragraph of this book, check it: "The words of the Teacher, son of David, king in Jerusalem: 'Meaningless! Meaningless!' says the Teacher. 'Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless (1:1-2)." I ... wow, so Solomon has an existential crisis, I wasn't aware he referred to himself as "The Teacher," that sounds so familiar, who else went by that title? Oooh yeah.
And now I know what you're thinking, "That Zach sure is a genius, he has a Ph.D. and does witty Bible commentary, and he knows who Krs-One is," but no, the next thing you're thinking is: "Wait a minute, Solomon bemoaning that everything is meaningless hardly means he's having an ecclesiastic - er no - existential crisis. He's probably talking about foolish behavior, or you know, everything physical is meaningless, and it's all about spirituality and what not." And yeah, that's what I thought at first, until I saw that the next section was titled "Wisdom Is Meaningless." Then read some more of it. Here, have a big quote and see what I mean:
I saw that wisdom is better than folly,
just as light is better than darkness.
The wise man has eyes in his head,
while the fool walks in the darkness;
but I came to realize
that the same fate overtakes them both.
Then I thought in my heart,
“The fate of the fool will overtake me also.
What then do I gain by being wise?”
I said in my heart,
“This too is meaningless.”
For the wise man, like the fool, will not be long remembered;
in days to come both will be forgotten.
Like the fool, the wise man too must die! (2:13-16)
Solomon, what the fuck is going on man? Are you doing okay? We all have these sort of thoughts sometimes, but we can't dwell on them for too long. It's just plain unproductive. I mean hell, I'm a mathematician, every goddamn thing I do is meaningless in the long and short of things, but you don't see me ... oh God ... pardon me while I silently weep.
Okay, I'm back, I just don't know what to do with myself when the wisest of all the wise men starts denouncing his own wisdom and says things like "For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief (1:18)." I mean it's true, the whole ignorance is bliss things is 100% true, but I know I'd still choose knowledge and agony over being stupid and happy ... I might just cry again, ugh. Anyway, reading on there is a sign of hope that crops up, a hint that there might be a method to the madness, a reason behind all the whining, as if it will serve a greater purpose. As if it is all a build up to an eye opening theological revelation. If anyone could pull it off it's Solomon. See, he goes on these tangents about how he studied to be wise but it was meaningless, and then talks about how he tried out all of life's pleasures and how they were meaningless, and he talked about all his hard work and toil was meaningless, how his wine and feasts and property are all meaningless. And sure it sounds like the depressing musings of the bored entitled royalty (Which is also meaningless), but I was getting hints of Hesse's Siddhartha here and there. A disillusioned rich kid studies the law of God and man and finds no peace, wallows in the pleasure of the body and finds no peace, and well do you see where I'm going? I was expecting a buildup, some statement of enlightenment to round it all off, maybe even an inkling of the middle way (Which there is some, but I'll get to that).
Okay, I'm back, I just don't know what to do with myself when the wisest of all the wise men starts denouncing his own wisdom and says things like "For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief (1:18)." I mean it's true, the whole ignorance is bliss things is 100% true, but I know I'd still choose knowledge and agony over being stupid and happy ... I might just cry again, ugh. Anyway, reading on there is a sign of hope that crops up, a hint that there might be a method to the madness, a reason behind all the whining, as if it will serve a greater purpose. As if it is all a build up to an eye opening theological revelation. If anyone could pull it off it's Solomon. See, he goes on these tangents about how he studied to be wise but it was meaningless, and then talks about how he tried out all of life's pleasures and how they were meaningless, and he talked about all his hard work and toil was meaningless, how his wine and feasts and property are all meaningless. And sure it sounds like the depressing musings of the bored entitled royalty (Which is also meaningless), but I was getting hints of Hesse's Siddhartha here and there. A disillusioned rich kid studies the law of God and man and finds no peace, wallows in the pleasure of the body and finds no peace, and well do you see where I'm going? I was expecting a buildup, some statement of enlightenment to round it all off, maybe even an inkling of the middle way (Which there is some, but I'll get to that).
Nope, turns out it was just my imagination, most of Ecclesiastes is just Solomon whining in a way that makes him sound like an emo teen writing in their diary. Don't believe me? Check this out: "So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless (2:17)," "And I declared that the dead, who had already died, are happier than the living, who are still alive. But better than both is he who has not yet been, who has not seen the evil that is done under the sun (4:2-3)," "For who knows what is good for a man in life, during the few and meaningless days he passes through like a shadow(6:12)?" and here's a big one:
I will say though, I like how Solomon fancies himself a biological science master. Hell, last time I even deemed him the bone expert, but he's trying to be a heart expert now, since according to him a sad face is good for the heart. Wow, everyone just throw away your heart medication and take one 
everyday, you'll be fine in no time. He also fancies himself the last word on women's issues, "As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God (11:5)." You might not understand that brother, but we do, and this is a perfect example of the whole "God of the gaps" thing, which is a discussion for another day, but our main man Neil "Degrassi" Tyson has a nice word on it here. So there we have it, Solomon: wise king, emo kid, body expert (I guess he'd have to be with so many lady friends huck yuck).
You know what the biggest kick in the teeth is in Ecclesi- ugh I'm done spelling that out, from now on I'm just calling it Eccleston. Anyway, after all this whining and saying that everything is meaningless we get to the last paragraph (Finally!) which is titled "The Conclusion of the Matter." Oh, that's interesting, let's see what the whole point of all this is, "Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man (12:13)." WHAT?! What? How is that the fucking conclusion of Eccleston? Seriously, I sure as hell didn't get that out of the book, I was expecting something like what we found in Job. Y'know, something like "Everything is meaningless, but that still doesn't mean you should discount being good and spiritual, because the alternative is too despicable to consider." But nope, we get the tacked on bullshit we've been told since we were kids, follow God's commandments just because. Wow, thanks for nothing Solomon.
So, is there anything else worth mentioning from Eccleston besides the whining and the tacked on conclusion? Actually yes, some pretty good stuff was hiding in there, easily overlooked in the myriad of complaints. Let's start with my heaven and hell fascination shall we? If you've been keeping up, then you know that I've been surprised at how the traditional view of Christian afterlife has not been mentioned at all. A few mentions of heaven in certain offhand ways here and there, but not one mention of hell that I can remember. And it seems Solomon doesn't believe in it either, or at least he's unsure, even in all his wisdom. See, "Everything is meaningless. All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. Who knows if the spirit of man rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth (3:19-20)?" Alright, so not much to go on really, but there's more,
Then we have one bit that made my jaw drop, and I know I've already overloaded you with long quotes from Eccleston, but I have to share this one in it's entirety, I don't think you'll believe me any other way. Here we go,
Want another example? I do. This time I'm going to talk about premarital sex, because y'know, being a young warm blooded male, it's my all time favorite subject. Most Christian groups will give you the same exact line, "Wait until you're married, oh good God wait until you're married, seriously, for some reason this is so fucking important." I believe Solomon would call this being overrighteous (Yeah he would *cough* 300 *cough*). But we can probably also agree that there's a line, if you're at the bar every night fucking everything that moves, then I'd say you're living a pretty hollow existence, fun at first but it's just sad after a point. I like to think that it's not that big of a deal, even in a being Christian sense, to sleep with someone you love, or even someone you just care about, whether you're married or not. It's natural, and fun, and there's this amount of compassion and trust and so many other positive things involved in sex that I just can't accept the idea that it's a sin, even unmarried (Provided you do it right, let's not get overwicked here, unless your girlfriend is into that sort of thing, hiyo). I don't think Solomon would either, especially when you read the next book (Song of Songs), but we'll get to that.
Do not be overrighteous, do not be overwicked, "the man who fears God will avoid all extremes." That might be my favorite Bible verse of all time now. And you might be thinking that I'm just using this as an excuse to sin in all the fun ways I want to, but again, it's all about moderation. It's all about the middle way, and it can apply to anything: alcohol, food, tobacco, sex, internet, hell even water. Too much of anything is bad, and none of it? Well that can be bad as well. It's all about a happy medium, and that there's actually a verse from the Bible supporting this, and it was (supposedly) written by Solomon, king wisdom himself? What can I say? It does my heart good, and this is what I learned from Ecclesiastes, yes I'm so content now this book deserves to have it's name spelled out again. So until next time, I'll leave you with a little Bible trivia, the word "meaningless" is uttered 42 times in Ecclesiastes ... wow so maybe life, the universe, and everything is actually meaningless ... how about that?
A good name is better than fine perfume,Yeeeah, seriously Solomon, you really need to cut it out. Oh waa, life is meaningless, death is better than living, waa waa. Dude fuck you, you were the fucking king, and the wisest man ever in the Bible. You had everything your little baby desires could think up. Also you had 700 wives and 300 concubines, fucking one thousand prospects. And like I mention back in 1 Kings, you could bang a different chick every day and still not repeat one for almost three years. So don't fucking cry to me about how your life sucks and it's all just some meaningless experience. You and your first world problems - er wait.
and the day of death better than the day of birth.
It is better to go to a house of mourning
than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of every man;
the living should take this to heart.
Sorrow is better than laughter,
because a sad face is good for the heart.
The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning,
but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure. (7:1-4)
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| Yeah, your life sure sucked. |
everyday, you'll be fine in no time. He also fancies himself the last word on women's issues, "As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God (11:5)." You might not understand that brother, but we do, and this is a perfect example of the whole "God of the gaps" thing, which is a discussion for another day, but our main man Neil "Degrassi" Tyson has a nice word on it here. So there we have it, Solomon: wise king, emo kid, body expert (I guess he'd have to be with so many lady friends huck yuck).You know what the biggest kick in the teeth is in Ecclesi- ugh I'm done spelling that out, from now on I'm just calling it Eccleston. Anyway, after all this whining and saying that everything is meaningless we get to the last paragraph (Finally!) which is titled "The Conclusion of the Matter." Oh, that's interesting, let's see what the whole point of all this is, "Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man (12:13)." WHAT?! What? How is that the fucking conclusion of Eccleston? Seriously, I sure as hell didn't get that out of the book, I was expecting something like what we found in Job. Y'know, something like "Everything is meaningless, but that still doesn't mean you should discount being good and spiritual, because the alternative is too despicable to consider." But nope, we get the tacked on bullshit we've been told since we were kids, follow God's commandments just because. Wow, thanks for nothing Solomon.
So, is there anything else worth mentioning from Eccleston besides the whining and the tacked on conclusion? Actually yes, some pretty good stuff was hiding in there, easily overlooked in the myriad of complaints. Let's start with my heaven and hell fascination shall we? If you've been keeping up, then you know that I've been surprised at how the traditional view of Christian afterlife has not been mentioned at all. A few mentions of heaven in certain offhand ways here and there, but not one mention of hell that I can remember. And it seems Solomon doesn't believe in it either, or at least he's unsure, even in all his wisdom. See, "Everything is meaningless. All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. Who knows if the spirit of man rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth (3:19-20)?" Alright, so not much to go on really, but there's more,
All share a common destiny—the righteous and the wicked, the good and the bad, the clean and the unclean, those who offer sacrifices and those who do not. As it is with the good man, so with the sinner; as it is with those who take oaths, so with those who are afraid to take them. This is the evil in everything that happens under the sun: The same destiny overtakes all. (9:2-3)Okay, again, this is hardly proof of anything. But I find it interesting that there isn't any mention of "good guys go to heaven, wicked kids burn in hell." Instead everyone gets the same fate. Granted he might just be saying that everyone is mortal, that everyone is bound to die, that heaven and hell exist, but it isn't his point. Still I just find it interesting is all, certainly it's something to think about.
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| Where are you sweet prince? |
Then we have one bit that made my jaw drop, and I know I've already overloaded you with long quotes from Eccleston, but I have to share this one in it's entirety, I don't think you'll believe me any other way. Here we go,
Do not be overrighteous, neither be overwise—I'll wait while you pick up the pieces of your brain off the floor. Do not be overrighteous, do not be overwicked ... I can't believe I just read those words in the Bible and not in some Buddhist text. "The man who fears God will avoid all extremes," that just blows my mind. Why is this such a big deal? Well let's find an example, super fundamentalist Christians will tell you that drinking is wrong, and they mean all drinking. You know that glass of wine you drank with your dinner? SIN! But most of us will agree that's silly and clearly an overreaction, but we will also agree that over drinking is bad too. Seriously if you're blacking out multiple times a week from partying too hard, or downing vodka first thing in the morning after drinking yourself to sleep, or you show up to work drunk, then you're drinking waaay too much. And if I was in the practice of determining what is wicked, I would say that behavior is just that. Most reasonable people will agree that just the right amount of drinking is just fine, going straight arrow is a tad extreme, as is going alcoholic, and it looks like our main man Solomon agrees.
why destroy yourself?
Do not be overwicked, and do not be a fool—
why die before your time?
It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other.
The man who fears God will avoid all extremes. (7:16-18)
Want another example? I do. This time I'm going to talk about premarital sex, because y'know, being a young warm blooded male, it's my all time favorite subject. Most Christian groups will give you the same exact line, "Wait until you're married, oh good God wait until you're married, seriously, for some reason this is so fucking important." I believe Solomon would call this being overrighteous (Yeah he would *cough* 300 *cough*). But we can probably also agree that there's a line, if you're at the bar every night fucking everything that moves, then I'd say you're living a pretty hollow existence, fun at first but it's just sad after a point. I like to think that it's not that big of a deal, even in a being Christian sense, to sleep with someone you love, or even someone you just care about, whether you're married or not. It's natural, and fun, and there's this amount of compassion and trust and so many other positive things involved in sex that I just can't accept the idea that it's a sin, even unmarried (Provided you do it right, let's not get overwicked here, unless your girlfriend is into that sort of thing, hiyo). I don't think Solomon would either, especially when you read the next book (Song of Songs), but we'll get to that.
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| Guess I'm not the only one either (source). |
Do not be overrighteous, do not be overwicked, "the man who fears God will avoid all extremes." That might be my favorite Bible verse of all time now. And you might be thinking that I'm just using this as an excuse to sin in all the fun ways I want to, but again, it's all about moderation. It's all about the middle way, and it can apply to anything: alcohol, food, tobacco, sex, internet, hell even water. Too much of anything is bad, and none of it? Well that can be bad as well. It's all about a happy medium, and that there's actually a verse from the Bible supporting this, and it was (supposedly) written by Solomon, king wisdom himself? What can I say? It does my heart good, and this is what I learned from Ecclesiastes, yes I'm so content now this book deserves to have it's name spelled out again. So until next time, I'll leave you with a little Bible trivia, the word "meaningless" is uttered 42 times in Ecclesiastes ... wow so maybe life, the universe, and everything is actually meaningless ... how about that?
Also, as an after thought, you might also be thinking that I'm picking single verses out of context to use as the basis of my arguments and to further my own personal agenda. Well ... if the fundamentals get to do it, then why can't I?
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