Zach's Holiday Drinks or: How I Learned to Stop Being a Pansy and Drink Like a Cowboy

Hi there, how's your husband? Good, so I was planning and hoping to have the next Bible entry out the gate before xmas, well I don't think that's going to happen. Before January maybe, but I'm busy, you're busy, we're all busy, so we can all do without a 15+ paragraph entry until after the xmas festivities are over don't you think? Good, so today I want to talk to you about some good ole C₂H₅OH. What follows is a few of my few favorite drinks. Are they going to be xmas related? Ummm sure, why not? Am I going to tell you how to mix up fancy cocktails? Ummm, yknow what, no I'm not. If you want to make good cocktails just check out Esquire, seriously their recipes are pretty much standard. And if you want to make xmas themed drinks, just google "I'm a pansy and don't want to drink like a man*." Seriously, man up people. These drinks are for serious drinkers, cowboys, not you pansy ass cosmo drinkers.  These drinks wont require anything frilly or even a shaker, yeah these are for when you want a drink to put hair on your chest without having to do anything but measure and maybe stir. Here we go, they'll be listed by liquor.

The Book That God Wrote, 2 Samuel Part 2

Hey, I'm back, it's been a while I know. Yeah I cheated on the Bible with Horror Classics, what can I say. Horror Classics was hot ... and  ... well I'm back now. I don't think the Bible will ever trust me again. Anyway, let's end this stupid metaphor before it gets any worse shall we? Do things get any better for our main man David? I wish I could say yes, read on.

Halloween Prelude

Alright folks, that about does it for my Halloween Classics this year. I know I know, I thought about doing a fourth but I had too many options I couldn't really narrow it down and ... well I'm lazy alright, you know that by now. Anywho, next year I'll have this more planned out as an October series, one a week and maybe more the last week leading up to Halloween. So, any suggestions for what I should cover next year? I may relax the "haven't seen it before" requirement. What do you think? Should I keep blabbing about movies along with my Bible stuffs? Speaking of blabbing about movies ... psht this way, follow me.

Halloween Classics III

Hi there, welcome back to my little series where I yammer on about classic horror movies. Next up is 1941's "The Wolf Man," another Universal classic. I have a soft spot for werewolf movies since there's been this long running joke about me being a werewolf. I have no memory of how it started, but it stuck ... personally I think it's my sideburns and my overall sexy hairiness. Anyway, how does this early werewolf movie stack up to the shirtless weirdo in that teenybopper series? Read on to find out.

Halloween Classics II

Hi there, next up is 1932's "The Mummy" starring the one and only Boris Karloff. Now I know it's November, so I'm a little behind, next year I'll have this series as an October feature, one a week; but for this year, well I started it off on Halloween day, what else do you want? Anyway, how does "The Mummy" stack up after all these years? Read on to find out.

Halloween Classics I

Hi there, this Halloween I decided to watch a few classic horror movies. To me "classic" means anything from silent masterpieces like "Nosferatu" to more modern classics like "Last House on the Left." So really anything from like 1920 to 1980. Anyway, I thought I'd share some observations about what I watch, just 'cause, you probably haven't seen these movies. I mean unless you're this crazy cool film buff that likes watching Turner Classic movies all the time, if that's the case then kudos. Otherwise check in occasionally for my Halloween Movies series. The only rules are that they're movies I haven't seen before but have always wanted to, let's get to it then.

The Book That God Wrote, 2 Samuel Part 1

I know, I know, it's been forever, sorry, but believe it or not I sometimes have more important things to do than update this awesome Bible blog. Actually, no, I take that back, I really don't, so I'm lazy, sue me. Anywho, welcome finally to the first part of the second part of the Book of Samuel. The first book of the Bible so good it got a sequel. Damn straight, just in time for Halloween too.

Why Is Everyone So Scared?

Hey everyone, where have I been? Well last week I went back home for a little visit, and then I decided to take a week off from the whole Book That God Wrote thing, and I might take another week off too. 1 Samuel is a great stopping point for a little while. Don't worry though, I'll be back soon, I'm not going anywhere, but the better books can really take it out of me because, well, I have so much to say about them, and we just had a wonderful series of them. what with Joshua, Judges, Ruth and 1 Samuel all in a row, the Bible must be making up for Numbers and Deuteronomy, bout damn time if you ask me. But there's been something on my mind recently that I thought I'd bitch about on my digital soap box for a little while. Basically, why are Christians so goddamn scared of everything? Intrigued? Read on.

What I Learned From 1 Samuel

First of all, 1 Samuel is a book centered, almost solely, around the underdog. Almost every story and every character seems to exemplify this. Hannah, the underdog of Biblical women, is barren, yet God takes favor with her and she births the greatest priest of their time. I mentioned before that this is not the first time that God does this, this is like his hat trick, yet this sets the ball rolling for the remainder of the underdogs that show up. That would be Saul and David. Saul comes from the most tiny backwater tribe from the smallest clan of Israelites, yet he's chosen as the first king of Israel. Then there's David, who's just the ultimate underdog to beat all underdogs. Seriously, the story of David and Goliath is the result of some people sitting around and brainstorming about how they could write the underdog story to beat all underdog stories. "Ok so how about an Israelite soldier versus a really strong and burly philistine?"
"No fuck that, make the Philistine a nine foot tall giant."
"Oh word, I like that,"
"And the clincher, make the Israelite a six your old boy without a sword, bam."
"And done, fucking beat that shit Rocky."

The Book That God Wrote, 1 Samuel Part 4

Welcome to the final part of the first part of Samuel. It seems I'm a little late getting this one out, over two weeks late in fact, but I couldn't help it. This may be the most important entry I've written for this series, there's a lot riding on it, and I had to make sure it was right. And that's not completely frivolous hyperbole there, I really do think this is the most important story of the Bible so far. Why is that? David might be gay! That's fucking why. If that didn't just blow your mind a little then you haven't been paying much attention to fundamentalist Christians have you? Anyway, here we learn what becomes of the two complicated relationships set up last time: the tumultuous one between David and Saul, and the tragically beautiful one between David and Jonathan. What happens to these lovers and haters? Read on to find out.

The Book That God Wrote, 1 Samuel Part 3

Welcome back to the book of 1 Samuel, where David finally stands toe to toe with a giant in pure underdog fashion. Here we start to see that "evil" spirit of the Lord start to work its mojo on poor Saul; and in the wake of this epic battle and the loss of Saul's sanity a budding romance starts to form, and it may not be exactly what you expect. Read on for the hair elevating action.

How Much XP Do I Get for Liberating the Israelites?

Penny Arcade, everyone loves Penny Arcade right? Yes, yes everyone does. Anyway, I don't exactly keep up with them, but my good buddy Adam does, and he shared this with me earlier this week and I think it's just smashing. And here's the news article associated with it, where they pose many game ideas based in the Bible, claiming it's an underutilized setting. I totally agree, I'd love a good open world type RPG based in Genesis. And yeah, the Bible Online is a real game, I checked it out and it looks ... kinda bad, but hey, not bad just because it's based on the Bible. I oughta do a review series of games based on the Bible someday ... or movies based on the Bible ... my Bible reading has really transformed my thoughts. Anyway there's a picture from the Bible Online after the cut.

The Book That God Wrote, 1 Samuel Part 2

Welcome back to Samuel everyone, this entry covers events that basically just serve as a buildup for part 3, where shit will really hit the fan. Here we have the rise and initial fall of the first king of Israel. We also have some more gross honey eating, and we get to meet David, though no giant killing this time. If anything this sets the stage nicely for us to talk about Goliath right out of the gate next time. Read on.

The Book That God Wrote, 1 Samuel Part 1

Welcome all to the first part of the first part of the Book of Samuel. Here we start on the path towards that all popular King David, but first we learn of the honorable Godslinger Samuel, the disappointed and worthless father Eli, and his despicable sons. We also get to see what happens when the sworn enemies of the Israelites have the balls to steal the Ark of the Covenant, spoiler alert: they don't keep it for long. I hope you're ready for fun.

The Book That God Wrote, Ruth

Hello, it's been a while, sorry for the hiatus, vacation and work called, I'm still dealing with two weeks of no sleep but hey, welcome to the Book of Ruth. This is a short one, the entire book is around two pages. Honestly it's a story I might've completely skipped over if it showed up in something like Judges or Exodus, but since the story is its own book, well it's ensured that I cover it for you guys. Though I might not have actually skipped over it, but that's only because I was given some extra Bible knowledge about ole Ruth (thanks Mom) which I'll talk about when the time comes. See depending on how you interpret a certain word in this story it can turn from a strange little tale into a ... well more noteworthy one. How does one word change so much? Well read on to find out.

Gonna Use an Oil Based Paint...

You all like the new coat of paint? I think it looks mighty fine. You can thank delightful super spy artist girlfriend for that fancy new banner. She did a mighty fine job don't you think? In fact, in celebration, well

There's something about that orange that I like, it must be because it reminds me of

which is about as western as you can get. Enjoy the new scenery while I get Ruth ready for action, oh and some other fun stuff in the works. My God, it's looking like a real life blog over here.

Mixed Messages?

This was just too good not to share, I was bumbling around the internet as I'm wont to do, and found this on the great Passive Aggressive Notes blog-a-majig. Go take a look at it and come back. Back? Great, I think that about sums up what I've discovered reading the Bible, they say the word of God is comforting, all I can say is "DOOM!" Enjoy. Seems I'm not the only one confused.

I Hate You Too

You know, being a teacher sucks sometimes (most-times), I'll spend many hours preparing and thinking of ways to explain things I've known for practically centuries in ways that a layman can understand, sometimes I fail at this, sometimes I don't. Hell I'll be the first to say I'm not the best teacher in the world, I'm certainly not. Lord knows I shouldn't ever be allowed in a college algebra course ever again (or anything lower for that matter), but contrarily I think I really do shine when the material gets tougher. Anyway, regardless of my own pros and cons it really ticks me the fuck off when after all this work I look out and see this:

What I Learned From Joshua and Judges

The best way to summarize what I feel about Joshua and Judges, and the entire Bible up to this point actually, is to share a little idea I had recently, which was inspired by the end of Judges. If I ever become a constant member of a church again, which is seeming more and more unlikely these days, but if I ever do I want to run an adult sunday school class entitled "Awful Shit From The Bible." See, this might be the wrong way to do things, but I've been approaching the Bible as I would a math text. Let me explain, I have my axioms, things we just have to assume before we even get down and dirty with this thing. Here's my axioms regarding the Bible: One: God exists, he created everything, and is a loving God, what "loving" means is up for debate, but all Christians would agree with this axiom, and before we can discuss any theology we have to assume it's true. Further it's something that cannot be proven in the traditional logical sense, hence it's an axiom. Two: the Bible is a God inspired text which is our ultimate moral handbook, whether God wrote it or not (he didn't) is up for debate, so is whether or not we should be read literally (we cant). All Christians would agree with this simple axiom as well, whether or not you consider the church a necessary institution for salvation, the Bible is the centerpiece of this institution. My whole life I was told this was our guide, our handbook, the word of God. Hell I was even told that if I had a problem in real life that I could find the answer in the "good book," in other words, many denominations feel that the Bible speaks for itself. So that God exists, is loving, and gave us a handbook (directly or indirectly) are really the only axioms that I have.

The Book That God Wrote, Judges Part 4

Welcome dear readers to the fourth and final part of the Book of Judges. For all the strange fever dream insanity that proceeded this you'd think the book would end with something resembling the corpse honey or the killer bread attack or the forehead nail attack right? You know, something fun, or at the very least completely mental. I'm sorry to say the Bible decided to go completely against expectations (it does that a lot) and give Judges the worst, most baffling, and straight up disturbing ending conceivable. I almost don't want to go through with this, you're better off just thinking that Judges ends with Samson's brainless antics, but that's not what I'm here for. I'm here to recount the Bible's stories, but also, and more importantly, share my thoughts on all this (which unfortunately tends to just resolve into mockery), and I have many a bone to pick with Judges' ending. So let's get on with it.

The Book That God Wrote, Judges Part 3

Hello there, welcome to Part 3 of Judges, or what I like to call "The Wanton Folly of Strongman Samson." That's right, we finally get to talk about that well known maniacally violent warrior of God, the man who disemboweled a lion with his bare hands, the man who really liked honey (and I mean really liked), and the man with the magical hair. How dumb is Samson? Well you'll just have to read on to find out, but spoiler alert: he's really fucking dumb.

The Book That God Wrote, Judges Part 2

Welcome back, it's time to keep this nutty crazy train a rollin with the second part of Judges. Today we'll talk about that nutjob Gideon, his pickiness about how you drink your water (pinkies out bitches), the deadly bread missile, and not to mention his awful woman hating son who takes Israel by force. Read on, read on.

The Book That God Wrote, Judges Part 1

Oh man, welcome to the Book of Judges. Let me just begin by saying that Judges (so far) contains some of the most insane shit I've ever read. Yes, even when compared to Genesis and Exodus. That's right everyone, the nutty batshit is back, and in rare form. How insane is Judges? Well how about seventy dudes with no thumbs? Or some shady regicide of an insanely fat man? Or a soldier being nailed to the ground? Ok so maybe it isn't all that crazy, but the sooner we get through part one, the sooner we get to the later parts which really show off the pure batshit madness of the Lord, read on.

The Book That God Wrote, Joshua Part 2

Hey hey, welcome back to The Book That God Wrote, the second and final part of Joshua. Where we learn what happens with Joshua and his ragtag crew of Israelites. Does Joshua find the answers he's looking for? Is he able to fill the gigantic shoes left by that badass Moses? And what is it with Joshua and his apparent rock obsession? Read on to find out, did I mention that we also have an octogenarian battling giants, and the Israelites attacked by biblical transformers? Man for serious, read on, read on, read on.

The Book That God Wrote, Joshua Part 1

And we're back, finally, vacation over. Well, not really, I still have some time before the summer semester starts, so why not fill you in on my latest Biblical exploits? Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the Book of Joshua, or as I like to call it: How the Bible got its groove back. Yes a book named after that badass second in command, but is this book as badass as its namesake? You might be a little skeptical, I mean they pulled this shit before with Leviticus, name a book after the most badass mofos in the Bible and make it the most boring (until Numbers, and then Deuteronomy). But do not worry dear reader, the awesomeness is back, read on.

The Book That God Wrote, Deuteronomy

Hi everyone, guess who just finished Deuteronomy? Yep, me, and it's about time too huh? But seriously, have you ever read this book? If you have then you're probably lying, no sane person would sit down and read this book all the way through, I mean unless you wanted to skip Exodus, Leviticus, and Numbers but still needed to know what happened, but why would anyone do that? Anyway, I'm here to tell you what it's about. It's about Moses being boring and then dying. Ok see you next time.

What I Learned From Numbers

I'm certainly tempted not to do this, the more I think about Numbers the more I want to throw my Bible in the darkest corner of my closet and never find it again. So the sooner I forget about Numbers completely the sooner I'll have the inspiration to tackle the remaining books of the Bible. As true as this may be, the alternative to writing a "What I Learned" is reading more of Deuteronomy, which is far far worse, or maybe not, I don't know, as of right now I'd prefer to blather on a bit about Numbers. Remember how I said that Exodus was boring? I take it back, remember how I said Leviticus was boring? I take it back, even Leviticus was interesting compared to the train wreck that's Numbers. Wait, no, train wrecks are interesting, Numbers is more like a colloquium at the math department: where a stuffy old man blathers on for an hour about some obscure field of mathematics that no one understands or cares about, except Numbers goes on for days. Yes, Numbers is boring.

The Book That God Wrote, Numbers Part 3

Oh my God, finally I'm back. It's been about a year, but for your reading pleasure I present the finale of Numbers. It's been a slow monotonous road, but it's thankfully at an end. So, who's this Balaam fellow I've been hinting at? Where's this crazy sex I promised? Do the Israelites continue their unstoppable crusade? And wait, did I just mention sex? Read on, read on, the answers await you below the cut, it's so damn good to be back.

Why I Hate Teaching

This right here, I got this email yesterday:

Subject: MATH 210

I'm in your MWF 10-10:50 class.  Is our test Monday or Wednesday?
Thanks,
M** W****

Hmm, I've only wrote that on the board for the past three weeks that the next test will be Monday March 29th, the Monday before Spring Break. I'm not sure I could be any clearer for any longer. So either this is the guy from "Memento" attending my class or he hasn't shown up since Test 2. And you know what really fries my bacon? I'll have to grade this joker's test. I fucking hate teaching sometimes, college students can be such worthless little shits.

P.S. Those of you waiting for the last part of Numbers, it's coming soon. As you know, the weeks leading up to Spring Break are brutal, but over the break I should be able to catch up some, and maybe not take a week between each part. But I also have a paper to submit at the end of April, so there's no telling what's going to happen.

The Book That God Wrote, Numbers Part 2

Welcome back, the fun is finally starting back up again. What's the fate of Korah's coup? What do the Israelites do for 40 years in the wilderness? Do the Israelites ever learn their lesson? The 2nd part of Numbers brings on the violence again in a big way, and this is just the tip of the iceberg. You'll see, oh you'll see, read on fellow traveler, Numbers continues with a bang.

The Book That God Wrote, Numbers Part 1

Ah finally, in honor of Pi Day, I present Numbers, the stuff I'm good at. This book contains awesome things like ... census taking, job allocation, and tribe arrangements. Yeah ok, so Numbers starts out slow (i.e. BORING), much like a continuation of Leviticus, which is why this post has been so long in coming I'm afraid. But it gets good again once the Israelites pack up their bags and finally leave Mt. Sinai, which was way too long in coming if you ask me. Spoiler alert, shit hits the fan, the Israelites take their inane whining to the next level: Rebellion. Who in their right mind would try to rebel against Moses, or for that matter God? What happens to these awful little mutineers? Read on to find out.

Numbers

Numbers is coming I promise, it's been a hectic couple of weeks, but I'm in the process of writing up part 1 right now. It should be published by Sunday and if I get a burst of energy it might even be out the gate by tomorrow. It should also be worth the wait, Numbers has caused me to laugh out loud a few times already, but unfortunately the beginning was pretty slow, which helped with my procrastination for sure. The second half though, oh the second half is just pure gold, you'll see, oh you'll see.

I Am The xkcd, Your Webcomic

Today's xkcd comic seems way too good and way too relevant to what my blog is doing these days for me not to link to it. The timing is impeccable, almost perfect, and makes for a wonderful coincidence don't you think? I've been meaning to do a write up praising xkcd for some time now, and I still will at some point, but for now it's too close to bedtime. All you need to know for now (if you don't already) is it's a sciency/mathy/geeky web comic that can manage to be both hilarious and melancholy all in one stroke. Don't let the simple art fool you either, xkcd has a lot to say: some of it goofy and out there; and some of it deep and visceral. Ack, I'm blabbing now, it's what I do when I'm tired. Just go read today's comic and bookmark the site (if you haven't already).

The Book That God Wrote, Leviticus

How in the bloody hell is the book named after the Levites the most boring one I've read so far? The Bible sure is full of some crazy twists huh? Hey remember those mean psychopaths that killed 3,000 of their own people last chapter? This chapter is named after them, hooray! Get ready for ... excruciating boredom. What? How does that work? This book is so boring, in fact, that I have no idea how to make it entertaining to anyone ... well, that's not true, as you'll see, I just have my work cut out for me here. Actually, I think maybe two things happen in this book, two actual stories, and they both involve people being killed, so that's very Levite like right? Yes, except that the body count here is a meager three people, hardly the feat that the Levites would write home about, hell even Shakespeare read this book and chuckled to himself, "Amateurs, at least kill off a few people by courier to up that death count." Yeah ok, that was a major stretch, I'm really reaching here. Seriously, read on, if anything it'll be a few paragraphs of me making light of what the Bible is famously known for: its skull numbing, brain melting, coma inducing boredom (not to mention my favorite passages that will exemplify my unabashed immaturity once and for all). Hey, I don't have to link to the introduction or the story so far because they're on the side there, fancy that [Also, I'm dropping the book abbreviations whenever I cite passages, you know what book we're in, if I decide to venture into other books then I'll use them].

What I Learned From Exodus

Let's see, what did I learn from from Exodus? First of all, Exodus is pretty boring. Ok, well that's not exactly fair, the story of Moses is one of the coolest in Bible to be sure, but compared to Genesis? Yeah I know, it's not really fair to compare anything to Genesis, I have a feeling none of the other books will be as enthusiastically crazy and fun as the one we get right out of the gate. Which is smart, the Bible has one of the best beginnings I've ever read, hook them in the first ten pages right? Well they chose the right book to open the Bible with then, that's for damn sure. Exodus though, well remember when I compared Genesis to the big bang and said by the time we see Joesph that things had started cooling down a bit? Right, well Exodus just keeps the cooling down thing rolling. For one, where Genesis focused on generations of people, all with fucked up families and rivalries, Exodus tells the story of one man, albeit a badass one. Further, by the second half most of the story is over and God just starts listing things off in the most boring way he possibly can. Seriously, I had to actually work to make Exodus humorous, whereas Genesis easily spoke for itself and I could really just employ Jon Stewart's strategy he wrote on his hand a couple of weeks ago: "Make face, curse."

The Book That God Wrote, Exodus Part 2

Welcome to the second and final part of Exodus, wait final part? Already? Is Exodus really that short? Well, not really, a good third of Exodus turns out to be God listing off laws, their various punishments, and his interior design requirements down to the most agonizingly boring and precise details. I plan to spare you most of that and skip right to the good stuff, like what happens when the Israelites finally cause Moses to snap and God to reconsider this whole exodus thing. Let's just say that you don't want to be on Moses' bad side, though you knew that already right? Anyway, here's the story so far: Introduction, Genesis, Exodus part 1. Read on to see how it all turns out.

Science Is Real

Thank you They Might Be Giants for your latest children's album "Here Comes Science." Giving it a listen today I noticed something in the very first song, right out of the gate, I thought I'd share. They explain what a scientific theory is in simple language children can understand. What's unfortunate about this is how many adults out there need to be sat down and have this drilled into their head (and most of them need it in terms of the simple language too). It's so sad, my only dream is that every parent will buy this for their kids, and then the next generation growing up wont say dumb crap like "Oh evolution is just a theory." Sigh, just a theory, if you only knew how dumb you sound are when you say that. The lyrics containing their explanation can be found below after the cut, as well as a video of the whole song.

The Book That God Wrote, Exodus Part 1

Welcome everyone to the latest entry in "The Book That God Wrote" series. Today we start on the second book of the Bible: Exodus. In this part of the story God decides it's time to show off a bit (guess the Israelites have gotten a bit jaded since that gullible Abraham), where we meet the dumbest ruler in all history, we meet the Clint Eastwood/Batman/Gandalf of the Hebrews who doesn't take kindly to his people being enslaved, and God finally thinks its a good idea to lay down some ground rules (other than the "absolutely no foreskins allowed" one they already have). So, when we last left the Israelites, they had settled down in Egypt, how did that turn out? Yeah, not so well, read on to see what happens next. Here's the story so far: Genesis and a little introduction. Unsurprisingly, I think I've already offended a few serious adult types, you really should read the introduction first, you'll know where I'm coming from and if you should continue.

What I Learned From Genesis

This may sound surprising to anyone who knows me, but Genesis kinda reminds me of the big bang. No no, not that horrible "joke" that Christians use, "God said 'Let there be light,' then BAM it happened." Ugh, no. Let me explain, see the big bang was a cataclysmic event, a huge explosion of ... well, everything. Complete chaos for centuries before everything started cooling down. Stars, planets, and all sorts of nebula begin to form, and slowly, so slowly, life begins on our little blue planet. Likewise, Genesis begins with complete chaos: talking legged snakes, giant floods, flaming sulfur rain, and psychopaths bombing about in the wilderness. The beginning of God's line is an extremely tumultuous one, but slowly it begins to calm down. We slowly go from complete batshit chaos to a long story about the rivalry between Jacob and Esau, in which crazy shit still goes down, but it's finally relatable. Then slowly, in the next generation we come to Joseph and his brothers. More sibling rivalry, more family drama, still more crazy shit, but compared to the first part of Genesis, this is a goddamned stand still. And here, in this relative stand still, the planets now formed and slowly spinning, we finally start to see glimpses of moral behavior, glimpses of the kind of life God supposedly appreciates (and requires).

The Book That God Wrote, Genesis Part 3

Finally! Welcome to part three in "The Book That God Wrote" series, where we finish off Genesis once and for all. Sorry for the extreme lateness of this post, me and super spy girlfriend went on a road trip up to TN which stopped this in its tracks basically, but here it is, finally. So, how did Jacob's children turn out and did he learn anything from his own troubled childhood? Here we meet the first good natured person in this whole messed up bloodline, even though he's prone to playing pranks on his brothers (but hey, who isnt?). These final chapters also have such things as additional foreskin slaughter, technicolor dream coats, attempted fratricide, and some oddly placed coitus interruptus (isn't it always?). Read on fellow traveler (or read the introduction, or parts one and two if you're just joining us).

The Book That God Wrote, Genesis Part 2

Apparently they do let kids read this, along with little crucifixes for them to choke on (apologies to my super spy girlfriend for picking on the Catholics, they just had the best looking Children's Bible, should tell you something). Enough chatter, on with the show, whatever happened to that crazy kid that was almost murdered by his own father? (Intro here, part one here)

The Book That God Wrote, Genesis Part 1

Welcome to the first true post in my Bible reading series "The Book That God Wrote." I plan to tear ass through the entire Bible in about a year and three months reading about a book a week (yes I did a little math to figure that out). I also plan to go in order so we're starting with some Genesis action, which includes such things as naked people, talking snakes, fratricide, giant floods, people turning into pillars of salt, raining fiery sulfur and much much more. Read on for the excitement (or read here for more preliminary exposition).

The Book That God Wrote, Introduction

If you read a my entry last week you know that I plan on reading through the entire Bible, and then sharing my thoughts here. This has turned out to be a little more ambitious than I expected, but never fear I'm still doing it, with just a few changes. I wanted to make this a Sunday feature, as in one post per week on my thoughts for each book. One thing I didn't realize his how dense and packed to the brim each book is. I'm going to have to split up each book into multiple entries. Which means I can post each entry sporadically throughout the week, but I'd still like the last entry to land on Sundays if at all possible. Of course I'm already behind, it being Sunday after all, and I only have one part completed as of right now, real life intervened. I'm also considering a "What I Learned" for each book, just a bit to say a few last words on each book as I go along. I'm inspired to do this due to my upset feelings towards Genesis as it stands as an introduction to what's supposed to be our spiritual and moral guide.

The Problem With Points And Lines

I was presented with an interesting question many years ago as an undergraduate. It was apparently a theory by some philosopher or other who had a claim saying why he thought math was kinda full of shit, well ok he just had an interesting paradox. I forget the name of the philosopher, but his idea went like this: Take a line (segment), it has a length correct? Well a line, we're told, is a collection of an infinite number of points crammed all together. Now, what's the length of a point? We're also told a point is dimensionless, i.e. it has zero length. Therefore, the length of a line should be zero correct? Since a line = an infinite number of points, therefore the length of a line should = 0+0+0+ ... right? Thus all lines have length zero and thus everything fucking falls apart. This, the philosopher claimed, displays that there's something wrong with the foundations of mathematics, i.e. how we treat points and lines.

You Shouldn't Have Questioned The Ham!

This is a little family bragging here. My cousin Will, who's a very creative type (like many in my badass family), makes films. He plans on majoring in filmmaking next year when he starts college. Which was a path I seriously considered doing myself but didn't really have the balls or real know how to do. Anyway, apparantly he's put his film projects online and I'm just finding out about it. I suggest checking them out here cause they actually are quite cool. Especially awesome is his "A Marvelous Misadventure" which is basically a recreation of the tea party scene in "Alice In Wonderland," but what's fascinating is his use of editing and costumes with seemingly zero budget. The beginning even has a very cool looking paper man (shown above) and the mouse puppet at the tea party (voiced by Will) is brilliant. Will, from what I hear, directs, edits, writes, acts in, and even makes props/puppets for each one. So go watch, he may go on to do puppet filled little indie flicks for Focus Features, who knows. Also, there's a magic ham, A Magic Ham! Go watch! (More Pictures after the cut)

The Book That God Wrote, Preface

I know this is a sciency blog and all, but I've decided recently to read the Bible in its entirety. There are a few reasons I've decided to do this. One, I'm sick and tired of hearing people use 'Well the Bible says blah de blah blah' as part of their argument because I can't really say much, for all I know it does. I want to see what the Bible says about certain things for myself. Does the Bible really say it's evil to be gay? What does Jesus actually say about the subject? I'm going to find these things out for myself. It surprises me how many people will make theological arguments based completely on what other people tell them is true, and as a scientist I can't abide by it. But, as you may ask, why do you even care as a scientist? And it's a good question, and my answer may not be very good. But as a sciency type I must admit that there are certain questions science can't answer. The way I like to put it, science can answer the "how" questions, i.e. "how does the human body work? how did we get here?" but it's not very good at answering the "why" questions of life, like "why are we here?" That question is where philosophy and theology must step in. Second, I'm just plain curious, I want to know what's in this fun little book, and I thought it would be neat to approach it with my typical sarcasm. So, if you'd like to hear about a questioning mathematician's experiences reading through the book that God wrote, then stay tuned, I'll be sharing my thoughts as I come across them in as entertaining a style I can muster. If I read a chapter book a week I should finish in a year and 3 months. Should be fun, bring it on Genesis!

If things go as planned I'd like this to be a Sunday feature, hopefully there's some neat things I'd like to talk about in that first chapter book. I already know it has some naked people and sibling murder, sounds awesome!

Thank You Sir

I finally got around to watching the State of the Union address last night. Yes a day late, but I've been pretty busy. Besides, through the magic of the internet I can watch it whenever I want (thank you cspan). Anyway, the last thing in the world I want to do is turn this blog into a political one. That would just devolve into me ranting about even more things, and I know how you internet people are when politics and comment threads join together (that's right, wanna fight about it?). No, I just wanted to give a quick mention to something I certainly love about President Obama, and something that certainly fits in with the theme of this blog. In almost every speech he gives he mentions the importance of Math and Science. Thank you sir, I do love hearing that. You might not even mean it, but I don't care, that you say it is what's important to me. It's such a breath of fresh air from the 8 years of W and his seeming fear of Science. So again, thank you sir. Also, you look pretty awesome in a cowboy hat.

Don't believe Math and Science are important? Well just keep reading little one.

Better To Reign In Hell

Then serve in heaven. As Lucifer put it in Milton's "Paradise Lost." The past few days I've been tinkering around with Vic Davis's wonderful indie game Solium Infernum. Explaining this game can be kind of tough, mainly because it's so complicated. Let's start with the setting: you play as an archdemon in hell who is vying for the throne after Satan's abrupt and unexplained absence. As far as atmosphere goes, this game delivers brilliantly. When the king of hell disappears, then the likes of Baal, Abaddon, and Mammon will battle it out, and Solium Infernum (SI) captures this quite nicely. Now, how the game actually plays out is a bit harder to get a grasp on.

Beating A Dead Horse

When looking over my list of things from 2009 I start to realize that things released in 2009 had little to do with my actual obsessions of the year. Most of the music I listened to in 2009 was not actually released in 2009, same goes for the movies. So I thought I'd make another more random list of things I discovered or rediscovered in 2009. Some of the same rules apply as before, hopefully you haven't heard of them, oh and also, it can't be on the previous list (there were quite a few things on there that really did grab me). Ok, let's begin shall we.

Just Cowboy Up Already

It's the beginning of the semester, still officially the first week since we only had half a week last week and this monday off. It's this first week or so that all my pet peeves of teaching come roaring in. Eventually it tapers off and I get into the swing of things, but the first few days I'm continuously reminded of all the little things I hate about teaching. There's a particular phenominon I hate more than anything. This semester my classes started with 35 seats (all full), which isn't that bad, but the limit has since been raised to 39 to accomodate student demand. Still this is nothing to get all riled up about, and compared to the fall, where classes can start at 45 (fuck my life) seats, this is still managable. That is until I wander online and see:

Physics Is Fun With A ...

An old joke from my undergrad days, hardly a joke really, but we'd say it with big goofy grins "physics is fun with a p-h." Get it? I know, I know, it's not funny, it actually borders on terrible, but it was fun, and it was a cynically optimistic thing to keep us going during long nights of studying. There were others of course: chemistry is cool with a c-h; biology is ... um ... about animals? Anyway, imagine my surprise when I stumbled on this:

2009 on my mind

So to get this party started I'd thought I'd do what everyone else has been doing lately. Top 10 lists, hazaa! Sure everyone's tired of them, but my god they're fun to do. And besides I'm a freakin genius bandit over here so of course my list comes with a twist. I'm choosing my favorite things from 2009, but only things that I think you might not have heard of. Also keep in mind this is a list of "things" which includes, well everything. The only rules are that I have to freaking love it, it had to have been released (or whatever) in 2009, and I have to have the feeling that you haven't heard of it before. So no Avatar's or Lady Gaga's here. Let's begin shall we, in no particular order:

Tonal Shift

The title will be funnier once you read the post.

Today represents a shift in my ideas and thoughts and what I'd like this blog to do. Am I abandoning the math? Not really, it's who I am after all. But trying to keep every entry math related has become far too much of a chore. Imagine if you will, going to work all day and then coming home to blog about it ... yeah even if you love your job you don't want to do that. There's still some interesting math and sciencey things I'd like to talk about, but I've been too strict on myself regarding the posts here. Sure I love math, in as much as its my career path, but there's plenty of other things I love in a 'it's still enjoyable' sense. I'd like to start focusing a bit more on these other things, with the other topics offering a smattering of nerd color here and there.